There is a wave of weddings going on like a deadline was imposed. Perhaps it is because of the pandemic—when you are given an opportunity, take it, lest we find ourselves locked down again. Which brings me to the question, why do many ‘good girls’ seem to end up single, a case of always the bridesmaid but never the bride? It might be fun in one’s 20s, but then the third floor hits, and before you know it, the fourth is also beckoning. All this and still no ‘promise’ in sight, with a family always asking that one question that irks many, ‘when are you getting married?’ The situation “Being a good girl in a rough dating world can be seriously tough. It seems like even when you do everything right and prove that you’re the kind of girl that a guy should want to bring home to his mom, you still end up unlucky in love. Are the “nice girls” just doomed to end up single forever?”, writes Averi Clements in the article ‘Nice Girls Finish Single — You May Not Like It But It’s True’. A girl may seem like she has ‘the whole package’—educated, good background, mannered, God-fearing, successful and even easy on the eye—a total catch, but for some reason, every guy she’s dated has somehow managed to leave and perhaps even gone on to marry someone else. Why is that? Nelson Asuen, the author of ‘Why Good Girls Remain Single’ writes in his book that good girls don’t improve themselves, the message of being a ‘virtuous woman’ has robbed them of intelligence. “They have specific topics they talk about and respond to. When you go to a gathering of some good girls, you will hardly find them discussing highly intellectual stuff. Engage some of them in discussions on politics, finance, business, and you will find that they’re mostly ignorant in some of these areas. “But when it comes to discussions on how to be consistent in prayer or becoming a virtuous woman, they are good. No man wants a dull lady in his life,” he says. No matter how exceptional a lady’s character may be, it will have to be marketed in a beautifully and properly packaged container for most men to see. For him, it is beauty first before character, he adds. According to Moses Nzeyimana, a bachelor in Kigali, some good girls are probably not social, all they do is go to work, and back home on a daily, maybe once in a while go to church, a thing that limits socialising with more people. “Sometimes, go check out a new restaurant, you might be surprised that the stranger you meet might one day be your husband. And as you mingle more, you meet more people, thus broadening your circle. Men won’t find you at your home behind closed doors,” he notes. Nzeyimana believes that some women are so demanding as they want ‘the perfect man’—good looking, spiritually mature, financially stable, highly educated and so forth— and if all those boxes are not ticked, they won’t settle for less, even if just one thing is not ticked. He adds that times have changed, as women look for a man that is already made, they should be exactly what they are searching for, because you can’t expect to get 90 per cent, yet you’re offering 25. The issue Vlogger Chris Odogwu in one of his YouTube videos, states that appearance matters a lot, since people are drawn to good-looking people. ‘Yet some women think, if you’re to love them, just appreciate them the way they are.’ Odogwu adds that lack of exposure to new things is also a problem. He thinks that most good girls take pride in their fixations, and don’t take time to explore, yet men love women that are exposed. For him, women who don’t know the latest trends and are not even bothered to learn new things, or are content with what they know, seem boring, as their conversations are shallow. He highlights that some good girls have a sense of entitlement, everything has to be in their favour and they believe that they should be rewarded for their good character. They need to be treated like queens, adding that that isn’t a problem if they give back what they expect to get. For him, it takes two people to make a relationship work. At some point, you have to make sacrifices, and accommodate each other. Monica Rays found love in her best male friend, and says some women are still single because they play hard to get. When long turns longer, the men lose the interest and when the woman goes back, finally ready to settle, the guy is over it. She says playing hard to get is not an issue as it shows you value yourself as a woman, but it can only go on for so long. “If you notice that a man has some of the qualities you’re looking for, don’t take that for granted, give him a chance,” Rays says. Clements shares a few reasons why love seems to have such a hard time finding the girls out there who are truly made of wife material: “They don’t try to put themselves last, but girls who give their all to a guy often forget to make themselves a priority, too. What happens as a result is that they allow themselves to be walked all over. It’s part of their nature to spoil the guy they’re with, but that often leads to them getting taken advantage of and then dumped when the guy starts to believe that ANY girl could treat him like that. It is also known that nice girls tend to attract the wrong guys. “The idea that opposites attract is definitely true here. I hate to even say this because it’s such a stereotype, but it’s true: good girls attract bad guys. For some reason, the manipulative, shady type of men always go for the caring, selfless type of women. It’s a recipe for disaster, and even though these awesome ladies know they deserve better, their trusting nature somehow leads them to fall for the jerks,” Clements writes. They get clingy, Clements adds. “It’s not that they try to be. They just tend to pour their heart and soul into the people they care about, and if they end up with a guy who really needs his space, it can come off the wrong way. These girls have a lot of love to give, and when they find someone to give it to, it can be a little overwhelming. It’s probably why so many of their relationships end with a conversation about how things were “moving too fast” or how they were “looking for different things.”
