Thomas and Christine’s friendship opened doors to a romantic love that later led to marriage. Although their friendship in the beginning wasn’t really aimed at dating in the future, the couple had time to know more about each other. The love birds met at university where they sat next to each other in the first lecture. Thomas introduced himself to Christine, and this was the genesis of their friendship. At the end of the lecture, they exchanged phone numbers. They didn’t date right away as they gave themselves enough time to bond. Considering that they both had upsetting past relationships, there wasn’t really any pressure to date again—at least not soon. But they shared every little secret. After one year, the two were as close as cake and icing. They knew each other’s strengths, weaknesses, and flaws. In three years, they were inseparable. And they decided to break down walls of friendship to give love a chance. In the three years of friendship, they met each other’s family and friends. Their friendship was of course tested along the way, but they worked things out. They dated for two years before tying the knot. Many people have different opinions about being friends before dating or not. To some, it’s not a good idea because of how valuable the friendship is, and jeopardising it is not an option. Or maybe it’s because it’s too weird to changeover from friends to more than friends, and some worry it just won’t work. So, should dating start with friendship? If so, how long should the friendship last before taking the next step? Cecile Ineza, who has been married for four years, says the period can’t really be decided on, for many reasons, including life experiences, past relationships and personality. “It is just a matter of time before one starts getting feelings for the other. After a few months, you can both decide to have a serious discussion about where you would like the relationship to go,” she notes. Ineza adds that unfortunately, some people rush into dating rather than taking enough time to know each other better—this is because they are looking for a status. They wish for statements like “save the date”, or probably, they can’t handle being single for long. But the danger of this is that you might end up marrying or getting married to a stranger. “You don’t want to date the wrong person, so the only way to avoid it is by knowing them through and through before you make any commitment,” she states. How long should the friendship last? Ineza says that the friendship can go on depending on how your relationship is advancing. If you grow closer over time, it’s safe to talk about feelings. However, if they don’t show any interest, or if you rarely communicate, maybe they’re not into you. Relationship experts say that when you are getting to know someone, it can be easy to miss the red flags and other signs if you are already smitten. Rose-tinted glasses can keep you from seeing bad habits, poor treatment, and loads of other deal-breakers that would make you want out of a relationship. They advise that you should get to know someone long enough so that the rose-tinted glasses come off. Introduce this person to your family and friends. Allow them to see how you interact so that they can get a sense of who the person is. Claire Stott, a relationship psychologist based in the UK, in one of her relationship articles, says that you can ask for a status update on your relationship after a couple of months. If you’ve been going on dates for about two to three months and you feel like you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level, it is an appropriate time to start a conversation about it. She adds, however, that this is just a general rule of thumb. Three months might mean a lot of dating time, but it also could mean that you’ve only been on a couple of dates, depending on interest and availability. You could have this talk sooner or later in your dating relationship, and it’s perfectly okay. Because there’s no specific timeline, use your judgment and follow where your heart and head lead. It is also necessary to know what kind of things are relationship deal breakers, and what kind of things are must-haves. If you are religious or spiritual, do you need to be with someone of the same faith? And so forth.
