I am a young eligible maiden who is trying not to succumb to the social pressures of marriage. I am well aware that the biological clock is ticking, my mother and aunties remind me of that more frequently than I can count, but I would rather take time to make informed and mature decisions and dodge a bullet, than rush into divorce. I am such a romance freak and just like many ladies I would like to marry for love and once married I don’t believe in having a way out, unless my life and that of my children is in danger. I therefore think that as we start the New Year this is a subject to talk about because dating and relationships carry a heavy percentage of our personal development and general well being. It may seem minor but the weight of this topic in your life will affect your attitude as well as opinions, self esteem and how you feel about the entire year. Anyway, so as I started thinking about writing this article I thought the best title would be relationship goals, but that would not be ideal because my relationship goals would not be the same as your relationship goals and that is the first mistake we make in relationships today. I therefore tried to make this article not personal because this segment is all about you faithful readers and all topics must relate to you. Relationship goals are overrated, especially on social media, and that hashtag #relationshipgoals even though it is quite trendy, it portrays our ignorance about what legit dating and relationships actually mean. The tag also deceives us to expect the same from our partners. Couples could be fake smiling and cheating on one another as they post those pictures. I don’t want to mention names because public heartbreaks are so painful and talking about them casually does not do the victims any good, but think out loud of how many celebrity scandals for example came about in the past year after they publicly posted pictures professing their love for one another. The relationship goal to me is therefore what is behind the scenes, what I cannot see with my naked eyes, how they solve problems and respect one another. So as I was thinking about the most suitable title, there came my most paramount deal breaker of the year and that is to not be close or associated with anyone who is constantly comparing our relationship to another couple, or comparing me to other ladies e.g. those from his past relationships, while expecting me to act in a certain way or dress in a certain way. We can also agree in unison that being with an abusive partner, either emotional, physical or sexual crosses out any future prospects for that relationship. I hope that the #MeToo movement that went viral in 2018 and the Surviving R-Kelly documentary that was released earlier this year has taught us enough of how detrimental abusive relationships can be in our lives, how to spot out an abusive partner before it is too late and most importantly the value of speaking out and raising awareness. Men/women who do not have a career, men/women take no effort to earn a living, men/women not breaking a leg to look for a job or start a business, men/women without a vision for themselves and men/women who move where the wind is sailing meaning they have no standpoint are to be avoided in 2019 and forever. I was reading a twitter thread recently that was discussing how dangerous it is to merge paths with people with no vision, who have no idea what they want in life and I couldn’t agree more. Apart from the fact that these people will just be a pest and I don’t mean to be reclusive in any way, but expending energy on such people would be counterproductive. This takes my train of thought to another level and because I have no answers/advice or any points to ponder on, I am still thinking and researching and I will write about it soon. I would therefore like to pose these as questions to you: as a highly educated person would you marry a successful individual whose education background does not match yours? Is street smart better than book smart? Is the level of education a deal breaker while dating? That’s all for now folks, so remember to date smart in 2019 and that you have the freedom to choose your spouse but your children will not enjoy the freedom to choose a father or mother, so choose wisely! Twitter: @christineamira
