Are we getting more ‘leeches’?

Have you heard about the ‘dry’ Rwandan dating market? If you live or have lived in Rwanda as a single woman, you might know what I’m talking about. Forget the days when they would not look in your direction, matters worsened, today a lot of men have diverted from being providers to ‘providees’. 

In my line of work and as a social person, I get to meet a lot of people and my friend Susan, a young lady hustling through life in the city, recently told me about a guy who claims undying love for her, but he consistently asks to be dropped off after a meeting and sometimes even asks for bus fare. 


Years ago I told myself no man would ‘see’ or ‘eat’ my money unless he is my father or brother, it was to avoid entertaining men like Sue’s. I don’t subscribe to the power of paying bills for a date a guy asked me on. 


Back to Susan, a few weeks ago, she says another ‘potential boyfriend’ who hadn’t seen her in a very long time asked her to send him some money for fuel so he could drive to see her. So she was lamenting to me that she is officially done with the male of our species (lol), much as she gets dramatic sometimes, this time she was dead serious.


If our grandfathers heard these stories, they would turn in their graves at how much things have changed. Their grandsons are out here dissolving their legacy- of men being the providers.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, present day grandfathers would probably cheer on because a few months ago another friend confessed she was starting to feel uncomfortable in her own home, because her mom’s boyfriend (a 60-something-year-old man) decided to come and stay with them for good because it is comfortable. Trust me it had nothing to do with comfort, it’s because he is fed and provided with everything for FREE.

All is not gloom though; the sun has risen! 

Susan invited me to her place for lunch and the starter was bread and soup, but knowing that she is such a lousy cook, there was no way she pulled this yummy dish off. So when I asked where the soup came from, she told me about a guy that she’s been hanging out with lately who enjoys cooking. So a few days ago when she passed by his house, he served her this delicious soup that she totally fell in love withand had to carry some, hence my being served bread and soup.

On several occasions, he has packed for her food knowing she gets busy with work and may not be able to cook. He also often spoils her with surprise gifts like dresses, wine, flowers and brunches. He absolutely delights in making her happy and would do anything to achieve it. On asking where the guy is from, she laughed and said he wasn’t Rwandan.

The real question is, where have such men disappeared to? Why are they so rare to the extent that we’re writing about a man taking care of a woman? When did the tables turn? Why are some men deliberately seeking women that will spend on them? 

I am not done using my friend’s experiences, there is one from Southern Africa who once described her ex-boyfriend as a mouse. I found this description hilarious and when I probed into what she meant, she told me that he used to come to her house (empty handed), eat her professionally cooked food (she’s a chef), drink her wine, jump at the opportunity of bedding her, and insist that he is dropped home. All my life I had called such men leeches.

Tell me, why are there more in our generation?

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