Diaspoman: Why we are going to save on detergents

For the past several weeks, we have witnessed shortage of tap water. Perhaps it is due to the hot weather these days. In fact, this water shortage has saved us from spending on soap. That is to say that now people can afford to go to work without having to first bathe or wash their clothes. When you meet a well-respected manager whose collar is soiled on a Monday morning, he will tell you that water supply is limited these days. Personally, I hadn’t faced the gravity of this water problem until I attended a wedding ceremony in town. The wedding ceremony was of high class! Apart from the ice cold drinks and the ever lively MC, I was also struck by the cultural dancers. They were not only beautiful and smart, but they also happened to be unhygienic. When I mention the word unhygienic, I mean that their bodies emitted that unpleasant smell that is capable of knocking down the bride from her high table. Now, this really had to be the effect of the drought. For this particular wedding ceremony, the dance cultural troupe was of high quality. Unfortunately, due to this water shortage, it appears that they had really degraded themselves to the kind of troupes which we used to hire during the mid-90s. During the mid-90s, any Tom, Dick and Harry would just form a cultural troupe for the sole purpose of entertaining guests. While they thought that their jigs were entertaining people, the truth of the matter was that they were repelling guests as far away as possible. This is because their bodies produced a sweaty, hot and acidic smell that sent ladies scampering for handkerchiefs. Those ladies would reach out for their handbags to pull out tissues so that they could cover their nostrils. Sometimes that smell was so bad that tears started rolling down the ladies’ cheeks. Those were the days when ushers encountered problems at wedding ceremonies. These ushers would beg and urge guests to fill the front seats so that they could get a better view of the wedding couple. However, despite the pleas from the ushers, guests always decided to sit behind so that they were not attacked by the artillery of dancers, whose armpits harbored coal-like whiffs. So you would find a wedding hall with empty seats at the front and yet the seats behind would be jam packed. Guests would be fighting to sit behind yet the front rows were empty. In such circumstances, you would see the bride and bridegroom take for the exit pretending to go for a dress change. If the couple was the type which was loaded with cash, they would change clothes three times. At least that would give them a breathing space in which plenty of oxygen would be inhaled so as to chase out the dancers’ lasting presence. Phew! Now, I hope we do not go back to those crazy days. But if we continue to experience tap water shortage, I am afraid that the unpleasant whiffs will continue to follow us everywhere we go. But like I said before, at least the lack of this water will assist us in cutting costs – especially saving on soap and other detergents!