While it is no secret that the African continent is the target of prejudice and misrepresentation, Rwanda offers a particularly intriguing case of biased reporting. Mainstream Western media seemingly can’t get enough of the small East African country, which is either described as a shiny model for Africa or – more often – an evil mastermind and the source of all of the region’s woes. In recent years, a curious phenomenon has emerged: obscure journalists rising to prominence by making absurd claims or recycling washed-out anti-Rwanda propaganda. Their overnight popularity, in spite of the apparent prejudice in play, showcases the underlying structural inequalities in global representation. How do they pull this off? Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce to you the “How to Build a Career Off of Rwanda” Playbook. Step One: Recycling previously debunked stories Ah, Rwanda – the land of a thousand hills, thriving economy and gorillas. But wait, there's more than meets the eye! Fortunately, Rwanda experts are here to reveal the hidden truth. And why would they do their own research when they can dust off old and debunked theories? The prime example of this is a game I like to call “I know who really shot President Habyarmina’s plane”. The rules are simple - whoever manages to keep repeating that the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF) did it, regardless of the facts, takes the prize home, irrespective of the French rulings, which definitely put this theory to bed in 2018 and 2022. Step Two: Making outlandish claims Why stop at spreading just any old lie when you can craft a fantasy tale that even J.K. Rowling would envy? These Rwanda experts have perfected the art of spinning stories so outrageous that they belong in the realms of unicorns and fairies. For instance, they might claim that the entire Rwandan economy is built on stealing minerals from its neighbour, or that Rwanda's President is secretly a bloodthirsty ninja warrior with supernatural powers – able to see everything, everywhere, all at once. A good example is the myth that Rwanda cooks up the books to boost development figures, which completely disregards the role of international observers like the IMF or the World Bank in producing these numbers. This is made possible because different journalistic standards apply when it comes to Africa. Foreign observers can make outrageous claims based on hearsay, unverified testimony, or rumours without their objectivity being questioned. “Natives”, however, can never be trusted. Step three: Pull the victim card Oh, poor, beleaguered Rwanda experts! When people dare to criticise their fictional narratives, they cry wolf and accuse critics of ganging up on them. Who knew that freedom of speech and genuine reactions from the people you're defaming could be so inconvenient? It's as if these experts believe they have a right to speak nonsense without being fact-checked. When Africans dare to raise their voices and challenge the misrepresentations, they are accused of being overly sensitive or too involved to understand. Everybody knows African tribal brains cannot grasp the complexity of their thinking! Step four: Despise the Very People you’re “Defending” As the Rwanda Playbook progresses, self-proclaimed experts become increasingly unhinged, with one thing in common, the refusal to listen to African perspectives. This madness mirrors a deeper-rooted issue: the pervasive notion that Africa's narrative is not worthy of genuine consideration. Ironically enough, they claim to be acting on behalf of the oppressed and in their best interests. Who are you? A true Rwanda expert would never go so low as to listen to the people of Rwanda themselves. Why bother engaging in a meaningful conversation when yelling your lies louder works better? Step five: Making questionable friends Finally, to cement your position as a Rwanda expert, it's essential to cosy up to convicted felons and other unsavoury characters. After all, what better way to strengthen your narrative than by aligning yourself with those with actual skin in the game? And who cares about credibility when most people don’t understand the basics of what you are talking about? In conclusion, this tired, old playbook is a hilarious yet disturbing glimpse into the minds of opportunistic writers and journalists. By following these five steps, these individuals seek fame and attention at the expense of truth, all while acting upon a God-given mandate to save Africans. So, next time you come across an article or a book peddling the Rwanda Playbook, take it with a big grain of salt. After all, there's nothing more entertaining than watching self-proclaimed experts shoot themselves in the foot with their own absurdity.
