“I wish my kids are that groomed and respectful, look at how they communicate so effectively with their children, how come they don’t yell at their kids for them to listen and behave? Lucky for that couple because they seem to have it all together. I wish my child has such an appetite for food. Wow, they trained their children to participate in house chores, how are they able to teach their children how to pray, save money, excel in school, make friends and be true to their word?” It’s common for parents to think loudly like this whenever they either feel challenged by other parents, or just think other parents are sailing when it comes to parenting. Comparison is inevitable in the world we leave in, it’s easy to be caught up comparing your appearance, efforts, and standards of living and so forth with others, it usually happens even in parenting. Some parents impose much pressure on themselves, and try so hard to be better at their parenting role, they want to excel in it so badly that even when they relax and take a break, they feel guilty. If you’re a parent and perhaps love scrolling often on social media, to be specific Instagram, there is a high possibility that you might feel less of a parent. Most parents show or share pictures of the best side of parenting, for instance, while enjoying family gateways, providing their kids with all the necessary equipment or needs, having as much time with them as possible, and rarely saying no when kids request something, at the end of the day, one may be left pondering on whether they are good parents or not. Ann Marie Nyirayeze, a mother of two says that parenting is a journey of continuous learning, sometimes you are bound to make mistakes, but then instead of throwing pity parties, and blame yourself for not being the best parent, take time to be easy on yourself and know that you’re human. She stresses that it’s quite unfortunate how parents just want their kids to be a certain way, but don’t take the initiative to groom them for that. Great results require great efforts- you need to incur in the time, ideas, care and all the necessary support possible. You don’t need to be perfect at it, but you have to try, she adds. Nyirayeze stresses that one mistake parents make is to encourage their children to emulate other kids’ behaviors, a thing that just leaves most of them (children) stressed, and feel not good enough. She carries on that sometimes parents suppose their children have a problem because they don’t express themselves freely or are naturally different, instead of taking time to figure out what they are talented in. For her, many children’s talents are not discovered or supported because parents are busy dictating what they want them to be- this results to frustrations, which is why many kids are not happy, they’re not given chance to exercise their passion and talents. Nyirayeze highlights that some parents are not close to their children, which breeds unhappiness because they always find fault in them, that way, a child can’t trust you. This means, they may not get the necessary help even when they need it since they prefer bottling up their feelings. Overcoming the guilt According to Wonder Parenting, a credible parenting platform, it’s always better to focus on what you have and on what you are already blessed with. Think about how lucky you are to have a child. “All of us have some weaknesses, do not panic. Instead of looking at weaknesses ask yourself what your strengths are as a mother and apply the same to your child. Be proud of your child. Celebrate every moment with your child.” Brian Mugisha, an entrepreneur and father of one stresses that proper parenting starts when parents offer some sense of freedom to their children, rather than deciding for them always. For example, allow kids to take part in things such as careers that they love, if a child wants to be an engineer, don’t force them to be lawyers or doctors, he adds. Mugisha is certain that its theparents' role to support kids when they excel in anything and cheer them when they don’t perform to their best, so that they will do better next time. It’s that cheer that keeps them empowered, and believing in themselves. He also stresses that you ought to handle your triggers, and if possible, have a chat with other mothers that are facing the same challenges as yours, especially if you encounter mental health issues and seek means to be better, or seek professional help. According to Healthline, dial into what your child can do and celebrate those accomplishments and milestones. Keep track of your self-talk and remember to be kind to yourself and treat yourself with compassion and patience, because you’re enough.
