STEP INTO ANY GYM in this entire country (actually anywhere in the world), and you will find the same people. Of course not the exact same people, but the same types of people. Though their music selection may vary as it blares through their oversized headphones, these same people seem to magically appear in every gym that you ever go to. Some of them work out hard, some don’t work out at all, and some do exercises so bizarre that it’s clearly not safe to be within a fifty-foot radius of them. Who are the people in your neighborhood gym? Know them?The talking head“I know, right? I know, right? No, really! I am so working out at the gym! I mean I am so getting physically fit. Oh yeah, I know, right? Oh yeah, I know right? Uh huh…uh uh! Yeah! Yeah! I know, right?”Like being on a bus and other public places, talking loudly on your cell phone isn’t cool, especially if it’s in a gym. It’s a different story if you are expecting an important phone call or because of a family emergency, but not if you want to talk about the latest designs you checked out at Mr. Price. We know you’re an interesting person, but the last thing we need to hear while working out is how Becky from your Sales Department dresses like a background dancer from a Nicki Minaj video.The “Gym Guy”It’s not enough that he can probably tow your car with his bare hands, so he has to also make you feel bad about yourself by showing how “awesome” he is.There is one of these guys at every gym. Typically, he is not in to work out, he is in simply to work. They are the types that run from one weight machine to another, all just to show everyone that they’re taking their workout more seriously than you (and you should feel bad about it).They are the ones that seek out every opportunity to rip off their usually tight-fitting shirts and flex in front of the mirrors for a good fifteen minutes. The Loud GuyHe has to communicate with everyone caveman style every time he lifts a rack of weights in the machine. Why does he do that? Well, it’s this guy’s way of saying; “Hey everyone! Look at me! I’m stronger than you all!”The make-up typesI have never known why on earth girls wear makeup to the gym. Even worse, I’ve never known why people wear cologne or perfume to the gym. When you sweat, somehow it chemically strengthens the smell of your perfume.The old geezerFirst, there is nothing wrong with old people hitting the gym. It’s good to be active in the evening of one’s life. What annoys me is a certain number of the old people that populate the gym.There are many shades of “old geezer” characters at the typical gym, but the one that particularly stands out is the old man that has no shame at all. He’s the type of guy that stretches in ways old men shouldn’t stretch, like the downward dog position. But the bigger crime this old geezer commits is that he’s always an exhibitionist in the gym, and always wants to talk to you.The person who wears the wrong clothes:I’ve seen a woman on a treadmill wearing a floor length dress. I have also seen a guy attempt a full workout in something better suited for the boardroom.
