Diaspoman: A blast from the past with Afande Niko

Way back in the mid 90s, Aggrey and I were living a rather dull life. We had just rejoined our fellow citizens from the Diaspora in a bid to rebuild this country that had been shattered by useless elements of society. People had to start from zero, through hardships and perseverance. As for Aggrey and I, we were just two young poor lads trying to make ends meet. Life was quite a bore until someone came into our lives. That person who came into our lives was not the saviour and lord Jesus Christ. I guess we already had him in our lives anyway. So, who was this special person who had suddenly visited our hearts? For sure, it was not in form of a future bride. The visitor who had come into our hearts was none other than Afande Niko himself. In case you have not yet heard about Afande Niko, then you should be told that he is such a lovable man who is in constant love with parties. I do not mean political parties. I mean festivities ranging from weddings to childrens’ birthday parties. He has a special nose indeed. His nose can tell where brewery products are flowing, even if it is in an entirely different town. That is why he will come over and tell you to jump into his jeep for a ride. Before you know it, the vehicle is speeding along the Kigali-Butare stretch. And sure enough, the car would screech to a halt right at the Butare University gates. Niko was not his real name. In fact, I should confess that I do not remember his true names. We had been together in school as young boys, before we parted ways. I later on learnt that he had joined our brothers and sisters in the bush, where he had quickly risen to the rank of “Afande”. Well, after the war, he was posted to the Gisenyi-Goma border. It was due to his talkative nature combined with some degree of arrogance that his names changed to Niko. His body guards baptized him “Afande Niko” because he used to bark orders by calling anyone “Niko Kadogo sha!” My reunion with Niko was a pleasant one indeed. Aggrey and I were in Gisenyi where we bumped into this familiar looking fine fellow. He instantly remembered me and insisted that we visit him at his house the following day. We cordially accepted his generous invitation. He then proceeded to give us some friendly advice. He told us to try and eat too much salt and pepper in preparation for the day. He said that salt and pepper would enable us consume more liters of beers than we had ever dared to guzzle before. The next day, we walked from our bug infested lodge situated near the taxi park and headed to the villa. Wow! It was such a beautiful building, which had been constructed by the Belgian colonialists along the Lake Kivu beaches. Afande Niko himself was at the gate to usher us in. What we thought was going to be a small evening drink turned out to be a fully blown party. I should hereby note that while some guests were driving Rav 4s, Aggrey and I were the only ones driving Rav 2s. You may want to call it foot-sibishus. All the rest pulled up in jeeps and Mercedes Benzes. By look of things, the ladies were already out numbering men. Well, since there were more ladies than men, our dear host made an announcement. He told the gathering that in order to address issues of equal rights and democracy, we were going to introduce the “Cinderella dance”. This is when ladies remove one shoe and assemble them in the middle of the dancing floor. Men then rush to pick a shoe and locate the lady whose other shoe matches and off they go for the squeeze. However this time, it was not the men to pick up the ladies’ shoes but instead the ladies to pick the men’s shoes. But despite this disparity in numbers, there were two shoes left miserably idle at the centre of the floor. Those very shoes belonged to two gentlemen who had come visiting from Kigali. Those two gentlemen were none other than Aggrey and me. Apparently; the ladies had scrambled for all the good looking shoes leaving behind the lousy ones. Our shoes were not only lousy, but also hungry. That is why their soles were wide open resembling dead, stinking fish! So what had happened to the so called democracy? Was this not a case of segregation based on leather shoes? Contact: diaspoman@yahoo.com