“A Visitor from Obamaland Arrives”

Talk of my visitor from “Obamaland” and everybody around begins to watch me with lots of anticipation. As I was saying, just as soon as the news of my visitor broke, Diaspoman was the first to call; he wanted a rendezvous with me so that he could make a schedule on an informed platform. It is very bad making a plan or programme when you think you are talking about subject A whereas the other party thinks you are talking about B. For that matter, we had to synchronise our plans so that there are no gaps anywhere. I just forgot to give you the visitor’s name; he is called Mr Firths (not Filth). With the introduction of QATAR Airways into our market, the visitor was scheduled to come onboard, as it is so called, “Five Star Airline”, not so called as in derogative but in the real sense of the word! For sure, I had to line up a few people to welcome the guest. On my line-up was none other than the Diaspoman in flesh plus a handful of some other unknown individuals (please take no offence), I hired two ladies to don on the Rwandan Mishanana as a sign of showing the guest our true cultural taste. Not forgetting to mention, Diaspoman had borrowed Aggrey’s “Gikoko” (Toyota Land Cruiser 4X4 V8). As Rod Stewart sang, “the first cut is the deepest”, we had to create a very good first impression of what we are and what we had to offer! If you don’t call that Marketing, then the English language may have lost its meaning! Qatar Airways touched down just an hour or so as the sun was just “washing” its face! Can I say, sevenish in the morning or some time like that!These Wazungu are a very funny breed, if it ware any of my kinsmen, we would have opted for a 4 Star or 5 star Hotel, but this guy, Firths, he had categorically specified that, he wanted a Bush like environment (maybe because he came from the once Bushland), complete with trees and if possible animals. In other words, he wanted nature at its best! We took the guy to Kigali Serena and he declined to stay there and instead wanted us to take him upcountry. It took time convicing him to stay in Kigali; even then, we had to take him to Nobleza Hotel on Kagarama Hill. O.k., that said and done, we were now set for the party; save for the morning, we decided to begin early. At Nobleza (around 10:00am), when breakfast arrived, Diaspoman went nuts, he refused to eat on an empty stomach, they had to bring him a bottle of the “New SKOL”, before he could have tea!This chap (Firths) was greatly impressed by the cleanliness and tidiness of Kigali. He could not believe his eyes. You know, most people are made to believe that, Africa is synonymous with poverty, chaos, untidiness, etc! We had to first give him the best impression of our country then the rest would follow. We spent the day moving around town, showing off our Sky Scrapers like Kigali City Tower, Pension Plaza, shopping centres like UTC, Nyarugenge, etc. By the close of the day, we had strategically located ourselves at the Hotel FoEyes located in Remera. Believe you me; FoEyes is a jewel in the jungle! They have real drinks, eats and entertainment. We ordered for roast goat ribs, kacumbali and some roast bananas; to a Muzungu, these were all new. To our amazement, the guy loved the goat meat as well as the bananas, to wash them down, he settled for the Mϋtzig, saying that, it tasted much like the Budweiser he takes back in the states! As for Diaspoman and I, it was like BRALIRWA was gona close that night!