Society: Trophy-wife Vs Personality

Over the weekend in anticipation of an invitation to a “Singles only party” (by the way am not single though there’s a reason for that, another story for another day), I hit the road to the nearest salon to get a decent haircut because of late I have been looking like an Al-Shabaab terrorist. Hardly had five minutes elapsed when I was in the salon than I heard a scream the likes of which I had only heard in low-budget horror movies and Namagunga talent shows. With tears streaming down her cheeks, the source of the outcry was a little brown girl in the jewellery store which was inside the salon. No more than 5 years old, she was unwittingly being put through her first ritual of transition into womanhood, getting her ears pierced. What got to me wasn’t the little girl’s wail, but rather something her mother said to her. Trying to calm her daughter, the mother made a statement that was as telling as it was tangled, as clear as it was complicated. “Don’t you want to look beautiful?” she asked as she wiped away her daughter’s tears. While, of course, the little girl was only a little girl, and she was only getting her ears pierced, that statement, for me, was ageless in its connection, and as raw as the unrestrained emotions the little girl displayed. In this small piece of mother wit that suggested the importance of looks in today’s society was the impulse of what drives male and female relationships, the bare core that is left after you strip away all of the pretence and pretending that cloud the real reason for female actions and male reactions.. And her statement may hint at the real reason why so many of us can’t find true love connections.When it comes to infatuation with how a woman looks, we can’t really blame women for thinking we’re a bunch of simpletons. After all, they are hit with enough one-liners and groping looks to lawfully conclude that most men are overly curve-conscience. But while those men are undoubtedly out there, I believe that, truth be told; most men are deeper than that. We all appreciate a good-looking woman, but we also want one we can talk to, share our hopes, dreams and fears with. Her smile, the way she tilts her head, the brightness in her eyes. Her self-confidence, her composure, her trait, the way she treats her man. These are the things that really turn a man on. These are the things that separate a date from a fiancée, a shawty from a wife, a one-night stand from a lifetime commitment. Does she value his opinion? Does she look at him in a positive light even when nobody else does? Does she give him her undivided attention even when no one else wants to listen to him? Is she concerned about his well-being, his health, sometimes even more than he is? Can she cheer him up when he is down, bring him back to Earth when he is overconfident? Many times we are short-sighted. And many times we are long-sighted, and in the process, many times we allow ourselves to be short-sighted. This is when we get love-whipped that we don’t consider the inner person but dwell on the looks of the trophy-girlfriend. Two years down the road, a divorce is filed and bankruptcy is knocking on your bank accounts, safe-deposit box and wallet. All this because a man refused to play long and be safe but to play short and a risky game. When a brother plays a long safe game, he’s going to allow himself time to know the lady he’s into, what she is capable of, her vices, her issues, her friends (and they usually come with a bunch of them) and her family. This way, finding that fight mate may come down to both sides making a vow to play an honest chess game not where one will be checked sooner or later by the other. For too long, mating has been considered a mindless game of shallowness, instead of what it really is, a deep journey into togetherness. While looking pretty is nice, it can provide a lady with a false sense of security and a man with a false sense of achievement. Until both men and women begin to give more attention and more importance to a woman’s inner beauty, both sides will lose. For women, that means working more on simply being a good woman. For a man, that means letting it be known that we are smart enough to realize that looks don’t last forever, and patient enough to fall for a lady’s ravishing character and compassion. Assets that she can’t pick up one day at the salon. jeav202@yahoo.com