Society: When individualism overrides sanity

It’s a simple phrase and concept. Sanity. Self explanatory to most, a dim vision to others, a foreign concept to more than a few. Wikipedia defines sanity as “soundness, rationality and healthiness of the human mind, as opposed to insanity. A person is sane if they are rational.” Parents pump it into our brains and preach it, yet many adults simply ignore it. Maybe that’s why it has stayed on my mind like a morality lesson. When I make a mistake, I scold myself for not using it. Sanity is something I’ve always kept in that subtle, off-to-the-side consciousness like the little demon and angel that steer or tempt you toward good or evil, right or wrong, the sensible or stupid. As with the angel and demon, I haven’t always followed the guidance of the little sanity fairy. But at least I know what it is and recognize when it has been ignored and defamed, again and again, by my friends. Take, for example, an attractive lady who had been admiring the new dude at her job. When she finally found herself alone in the elevator with him, she didn’t use the moment to say something witty or poignant. All she could stutter, mutter was: “I hope you like dark-skinned women!” On the positive side, her off-centre comment broke the ice; the guy called and they went out, but that is as far as it went. “I knew I was too dark for him,” she later lamented. Skin colour had nothing to do with it. Fact is, she was too stupid for him. Why would this manager utter such a senseless opening line? Poor judgment? No control of mouth and senses? Lack of rational thinking? All of the aforementioned. A friend recently told me that she can’t leave her boyfriend of two years however mistreating the guy is and many times irresponsible. She told me that he stayed out for days at a time, verbally abused and intimidated her, and kept jumping from job to job. She told me, “I just don’t feel any love for him anymore, but I can’t leave him. He can’t make it without me.” Now that is what I call lack of sanity. Stupidest ‘dog’ excuse of the month from the woman. However much men try to justify their mistakes by giving poor excuses, it just doesn’t sound fine when a lame excuse like the one above is uttered. It only seems that he makes it okay those nights he doesn’t come home. Woman, this guy was surviving before you came around and is not a baby. So, get a life or stop complaining. It only indicates that you don’t have a lot of sense, chances are that without common sense you are going to date a loser and made bad decisions. Of late I have been trying to understand what sanity is? It has been playing heavily on my mind, leading my thoughts to dwell on the senseless mistakes that people make, over and over again. Granted, some people have a wealth of issues to deal with. Oftentimes, they make poor decisions because of unresolved issues that date back to childhood. They should seek counselling so they can view life from a more realistic perspective. At the same time, a great many men and women just need to use better judgment and make more sound decisions about men, women and relationships, about choices in life, about friends, about how to interact with the boss, co-workers and with family members. Individualism is fine, but don’t cloak your foolishness in excuses like “that’s just the way I am.” That’s what a lot of people say as an excuse. Take an example of a dude who told me about yet a beautiful lady who got away. He discounted the fact that he had brazenly gone all out of his way and made a couple of mistakes the first time he took her out. “But she was so, so fine, and I got lost in the moment,” he confessed, blaming his hormones. “That’s okay, but keep in mind that most women don’t plan futures with men who give it up so easily or who have no future prospects. Women like men who think of the future because she wants to know how you will take care of her. Remember she’s leaving her father’s house and probably not going back for any help”. He told me that is taking things too fast. I told him he was insane. Being single and almost 20 and you try dating a woman who is 26 years (by the way, is that age where all girls start thinking of marriage), you’d think he’d know better by now. The woman’s biological clock is ticking real fast. Another dude invited a lady he had recently met to be her guest on a lunch date. Free transportation. Free food. Free wine. Access to a beautiful restaurant. In the first 24 hours, he was sick of her, but he had to endure her presence for four more hours. She turned out to be an “Easy-goer”, a heavy drinker and full of herself. She also had an array of annoying habits, including sucking her teeth during meals. Back home, she complained of a miserable trip but was reminded of her own folly. Why risk turning a dream getaway into a disgusting voyage? She had no response. I did. “No etiquette.” Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve come a long way, but let’s not get sidetracked by bad judgment. Think before you open your mouth (and more). Ponder consequences before you act. Despite your M.D., Ph.D. or MBA, regardless of your job title and income, you are not immune. Acting stupid has no regard for education, income, gender, age or race. You are being dense and stupid when you sleep with a man before you know his address, place of employment, marital status, family background, and state of his health. Why get pregnant, repeatedly, by a man who will not commit to you or support his other children? Why would you let a guy you hardly know not only move in with you and have access to your body and home but also your credit cards and bank accounts? Many “smart” women get conned by good-looking, smooth-talking men. Does it make sense to tell off your boss because you are mad at your man? Or to send steamy messages to your lover from your company e-mail? Or sleep with the office hound and chance being caught up in company gossip? Yes, we all make mistakes from time to time, but don’t let bad judgment repeatedly sideline your life and career. All it takes is a little rational thinking. Use what you have. jeav202@yahoo.com