Bird Hunter in trouble for hunting birds of the night

I attended a conference recently where we were told to ‘think out of the box.’ Thinking out of the box, we were told, is seeking to do things differently without sticking to routine, or ‘business–as-usual,’ if you like. The presenter of that particular ‘thinking-out –of –the –box’ presentation was a particularly attractive bird and I was exemplarily inspired by both her presentation, her intelligence, her confidence, herself – I think I should simply say her all! I was not surprised that I did not feel sleepy although her presentation came after lunch. Well, at the end of the conference, as participants deliberated on what should be recorded as the resolutions of the conference, I decided that my sole resolution should be ‘thinking out of the box.’ Having understood the topic thoroughly well (for obvious reasons), I did not have to think hard concerning the ‘implementation’ of the resolutions from the conference. I exactly knew which box I should try thinking out of and being a Friday (Kenyans call this day furahi dei) I told myself that there was no better time to implement the outcome of the conference than a few hours after the conference. The bird had lectured us to ‘think-out-of-the-box’ on the things that we do best, and I asked myself: “what do I do better than bird hunting?” I found none, so I decided to do things out of the box that same Friday night. My hunting escapades have taken me throughout the region and beyond. I have hunted in different hunting grounds, including gazzeted ones. I have caught birds of different sizes, nationalities and colour. But the thinking-out-of-the-box theory required that I do things differently. That is how I found myself combing the environs of ‘Matimba’ of Nyamirambo, ‘Njamena’ of Muhima, ‘Sodoma’ of Gikondo and Migina of Remera. It wasn’t as easy as it sounds to come up with these locations in the city because it took me lots of time and money to conduct research about these places. Indeed they were not chosen randomly because these places are as unique as their names sound in that they are the sanctuary of a commodity called ‘the ladies of the night.’ After hunting in these areas for half the night, I settled for Miginaland which I found more fertile and vibrant than the other prescribed areas. Unlike Ndjamena, Sodoma and Matimba, Migina is an open bird market and there are plenty of joints where negotiations can be held amidst the noise of music. Birds were on display everywhere like mannequins in downtown Quartier Mateus shops, the only difference being that the birds here were not behind shop glasses or in stalls – you could window shop ‘live’ and even touch and feel. I had a feeling of great accomplishment as I moved from bird to bird lined up either side of the Migina roadside, touching, feeling and giving the birds an opportunity to market themselves to me. Some of the things some of them told me, I cannot write here but all I can say is that there are brilliant salesmanship brains going to waste in the night streets. After you hear what the first one has to ‘offer’, you feel like you have no need checking out the next bird but wait until you hear from the next, and the next, and the next……. I ended up reaching the end of the line but I was still not decided which bird I should pick. I decided to go to a nearby joint and try to make up my mind before making a decisive comeback. I sat at the counter of one of the popular joints and started thinking. As I was there, a bird approached me and started giving her ‘manifesto’ which confused me even more. Thus, I decided to come up with a master plan that would allow me to choose easily the bird for ‘take-away.’ I took the bird out where the others are on display and summoned them together. This turned out to be something like a political campaign rally where I was in the middle of a forest of birds addressing them. I asked that each of them should tell me their ‘manifestos’ as I would give marks and the winner would win a trip for two to my place, breakfast in the morning and loads of cash. The completion started in earnest and at a point it became too loud as every bird tried to out-compete the other for the prize. Before I knew it, panda gari cornered us and most of the birds in the gathering were lifted into it. After explaining to the mean looking cop that I was trying to teach the birds about the importance of protecting themselves against HIV/AIDS, he told me to disappear before he changed his mind and arrested me for being idle and disorderly and being an accomplice in the crime of prostitution. Without further argument, I slithered back to the nearby joint and waited for dawn. Ends