Several years ago, Aggrey and I plotted to oust our new boss who had arrived from abroad to head our small Gikondo based NGO. The boss was a very tough looking lady who immediately blocked all the avenues that used to be a source of enjoyment for our throats. That is to say that she restricted movement of vehicles and had a tight control over the stores. So, our merry making over weekends came to an abrupt halt. This meant that the chicks that used to line up at our offices on Friday evenings were also negatively affected. We had to do something pronto! So in a bid to have our new boss resign after just a few days, we hatched up a plan. It involved visiting a popular bar in the vicinity of Gatenga. First, we had to organize a staff function which was meant to officially “welcome” our new boss to the NGO. Normally, we used to have our staff functions at posh hotels within Kigali. But being the miser that she was, our new boss ordered us to hold the staff-function at a cheaper place. The ideal place for us therefore was at Gatenga where Zingalos and Mitzigs were in abundance! The move was on. Aggrey and I befriended the cooks at Gatenga. We told them to select the VIP plate meant for our boss and proceed to spray it with a lot of hot chili pepper. Then we encouraged our boss to take a cocktail of Mitzigs, U.G and Guinness-coke. So after several litres mixed up with the roasted hot Zingalos in her tummy, a riot became inevitable. She started to scream in so much pain as she asked people around to take her to the ladies’ chambers. But people around her were not keen on helping. They were just minding their own business and dancing away to the Dombolo sounds. It was therefore left for Aggrey and me to find means of transporting the boss to the nearest medical centre. But as it was already midnight, we could not find any clinic operating. We made the rounds all over town but all clinics had the ‘closed’ sign on. All this time, our new boss was yelling and screaming. He mouth was feeling so hot! Her stomach was boiling in pain. Her head was pounding. She was calling out names of her relatives to come to her rescue. We moved up and down in the NGO vehicle looking for a solution but with very little success. When we found one Pharmacy open, we became relieved. But our relief did not last so long because the Pharmacist claimed that he could not give us medicine without a doctor’s prescription. We begged the Pharmacist for leniency claiming that our boss was just suffering from a simple food disorder. “Please give her some Magnesium tablets Sir”. So out of sympathy, the Pharmacist dished out some Magnesium tablets. Our boss gulped in 2 tablets hoping that the pain would disappear. However, the pain just doubled after the 2 tablets got mixed up with the Zingalos in her stomach. That meant that the screams also increased as we drove through town in the middle of the night. For Aggrey and I, the screams were like music in our ears. We knew that our plan had worked to perfection. We were sure that this dictator would pack up her bags the next morning and vamoose. But being the iron lady that she was, our boss woke up very early and waited for us at the offices. She demanded some tough explanations. Who was the owner of that infamous Gatenga Pub? Did they have a license to operate? And who is the best lawyer in town? Because it is time to sue that pub for poisoning its clients. We started to panic. We had thought that our plan was working. Instead of escorting our boss back to the airport, here we were escorting her to the best lawyer in town. Eventually, when we bombarded the Gatenga Pub to help the lawyer with investigations, the cooks responsible for the hot chili started to quake in their pants. That is why they spilled the beans by revealing the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Aggrey and I had been nabbed hands down. The lawyer turned to us with a serious expression on his face. “I am sorry we cannot sue this Gatenga Pub. Instead we are suing both of you. We’ll see you in court.” diaspoman@yahoo.com
