I spent my New Year’s Eve in hiding. I was hiding because of this intolerable guilt that had swamped me after what I had done to my N70 Nokia phone that Aggrey had given to me as a Christmas gift. You may recall that I exchanged my expensive N70 for some 200k with a friend of mine, a broker at the Post office corner in town. I had convinced myself that walking around with an N70 Nokia phone amounted to a sin. Instead, I believed that the N70 would rather be exchanged for some cash which would go a long way in solving my ever thirsty throat. Aggrey had taken the theft news with a lot of calmness. “Don’t mind Diaspoman. I have connections in MTN. Before long, we shall trace the phone and capture those thugs”. Aggrey had explained earlier. This was not what I was prepared to hear! If the phone was traced back to the buyer, then the truth about how I had sold it to the broker would emerge. I frantically contacted the broker in order to retrieve the phone but it was too late. He had already sold it to a lady friend of his. In the meantime, Aggrey had already begun the search. The last thing I heard about the case was that the phone was being traced back to a certain innocent lady residing somewhere in Gikondo. It was a matter of time before the truth was brought to service. I guess I had to either go straight to Aggrey to apologize in advance or simply vanish. I opted for the latter. That is how I simply disappeared in thin air. Whereas Kigali revelers were busy enjoying the fireworks at Serena Hotel, yours truly was sneaking in and out of drinking holes at Migina and Kabeza. Aggrey had arranged that we hold the New Year’s celebrations at the Serena but I could not face him after what I had done. So with all these frustrations, I found myself guzzling all tribes of booze with the locals at Migina. We discussed and argued about current affairs. In the process, we found ourselves drinking the local spirits which I was personally not used to. In the end, the local spirits created a riot in my stomach. My head was also pounding. My eyes could no longer focus properly. As people continued to rejoice at the top of their voices, I hobbled around in search of the Gents. But since my eyes were dimly, I ended up in the ladies room instead of the Gents. As I unzipped, I heard voices of females chatting away. This got me concerned. What were ladies doing in the Gents? I then called out blasting the ladies “Hey you! What are you doing in our toilets?” Almost immediately, all the ladies in the toilets screamed in a lot of fear! They ran outside shouting out loud! “There is a mad man in our toilets! Please help us”. Naturally this attracted a small crowd of people which included some night watchmen armed with sticks and batons. They rushed into the toilets and hurled me outside with some kicks in my backside. That surely got me sober. I started pleading for mercy, “Please forgive me! I thought I was in the Gents room. You see, I left my eye glasses at home”. However, the night watchmen were keen on dragging me to the nearest police post. Having realized that things had become elephant for me, I decided to come out clean and so I called Aggrey. I asked one of the guys with whom we had been sharing the booze, to lend me a phone so that I could beep Aggrey. I started beeping but Aggrey was not responding. He usually does not return calls to beepers that he does not. After about 5 beeps, Aggrey finally called the number. I started to pour out my heart! In the process, I confessed that I was in hiding from him due to my recent misdemeanors. I then told him that I was on the verge of being arrested after being nabbed red handed in the ladies’ toilets. “They are accusing me of attempted rape! Please help me”Aggrey then burst out in laughter! He could not control himself. He then wished me a happy new year, “Man, let me wish you a happy New Year. Hopefully you wont start the new year inside a prison cell he he he”. After teasing me for some few minutes, he offered to drive over to Migina and save my neck. I was so grateful. Within half an hour, Aggrey was at the drinking hole. He paid some cash to the bar owner and apologized on my behalf. We then drove off to safety. I vowed never to drink the Migina local spirits again… E-mail: diaspoman@yahoo.com
