First Lady Jeannette Kagame has warned of shifting attitudes towards marriage among young people, saying fewer are marrying, many are delaying marriage, while commitment to the union is increasingly viewed as optional. She said this on Sunday, September 6, at the Young Leaders Prayer Breakfast, organised by the Rwanda Leaders Fellowship (RLF) under the theme, “Rwanda begins at home: Raising stable families in a complex world.” ALSO READ: Building lasting legacy starts at home, says First Lady The gathering brought together young leaders to reflect on the role of strong families in shaping responsible leadership. “To the young leaders, attitudes towards marriage itself are shifting. Fewer people are marrying, many are marrying later, or not at all,” she said. “Commitment is increasingly viewed as an option, or as something to be delayed until every other box is checked, a finished degree, a stable job, a paid-off loan, etc. And by the time all the boxes are checked, sometimes in the waiting, the desire quietly fades.” She also raised concerns about relationships among young people that remain in prolonged stages without clear commitment. “There are those stages they call ‘looking’, ‘talking’, ‘dating’, ‘exclusive’ and even ‘open marriage’, each stage getting vaguer and vaguer than the last and each one able to stretch indefinitely with no obligation attached.” The First Lady also spoke about what is called “situationships”, where people engage in short-term relationships without a clear long-term goal. She cautioned against seeking the benefits associated with marriage and family life without embracing the responsibilities that come with them. “There’s a related nuance worth naming honestly: many want the outcome without the covenant behind it, some want children, but not the daily, glamorous work of parenting that raising a child actually requires,” she said. She said children and spouses ultimately bear the consequences when people fail to approach marriage and family life with the seriousness they require. ALSO READ: What to know about the law on co-parenting after divorce The First Lady linked the challenges facing marriage to a broader concern about the strength of families, saying young leaders need to develop not only professional abilities but also emotional and relational skills required to build healthy homes. She noted that Rwanda has increasingly entrusted young people with responsibilities across government, the private sector and other areas, but questioned whether sufficient attention had been given to character, emotions and relationships. “But could these also be gaps that have been overlooked? Could it be that we have paid attention to intelligence and ability, but have not given enough time to developing our character, emotions and relationships, which are also necessary for someone to become a good leader, whether at home or at work?” The First Lady urged young leaders to see family stability as part of their responsibility to the country, arguing that strong families provide a foundation for the next generation. “Rwanda begins at home,” she said. She also urged couples to pay attention to everyday habits that can gradually damage relationships, saying relationships often deteriorate through repeated actions rather than a single major incident. “The silent treatment, the withdrawal, the refusal to engage can be just as weaponised as a harsh word. A home can look peaceful on the outside while underneath that silence is doing real damage to intimacy and trust,” she said. The First Lady said faith should provide a shared foundation for couples as they navigate disagreements and challenges. Family conflict Monique Mukamana, who leads child protection and care reform at the National Child Development Agency (NCDA), noted that family conflict is among the major challenge affecting children and contributing factor to divorce. ALSO READ: The effects of divorce on children Citing Judiciary data, Mukamana said 6,799 divorce cases were recorded across all levels of courts in 2025, including 5,980 cases at the first-instance court level. “One of the issues that conflicts in families bring is violence against children. Because parents are preoccupied with their conflicts, no one pays enough attention to the child, and the child ends up suffering,” she said. She said such experiences can also affect children’s ability to build healthy families in their adult life. Pastor James Muyango drew on Matthew 7:24-26, which is about Jesus's parable of the wise man who built his house on rock and the foolish who built his home on sand. Muyango said the passage underscores the importance of building families on a strong foundation that enables them to withstand life’s challenges.
