In many of our societies, a woman is often described as the heart of the family; the one who holds everything together. It is a role of strength, care, and resilience, deeply aligned with the purpose and responsibility God has entrusted to women. ALSO READ: Supporting mothers beyond celebration At the same time, men are often seen as pillars of provision and stability, carrying their own expectations of strength and responsibility. Yet, even within these roles, there is a quiet and often overlooked reality: the weight of expectations can sometimes grow beyond what was intended, turning purpose into pressure. Over time, this creates an unspoken expectation for many women and increasingly men to be everything to everyone: strong, dependable, and unwavering at all times. While this pressure is often more visible among women due to cultural expectations, it increasingly reflects a shared experience across both women and men navigating multiple roles and responsibilities. At the same time, we are surrounded by stories of successful women leaders, mothers, and professionals who seem to have mastered it all. These stories inspire us, but they are often incomplete. They highlight outcomes, but rarely reveal the full journey behind them. As we reflect on this year’s International Women’s Month theme, “Give to Gain,” it invites a deeper understanding of what giving truly means. Giving is not meant to come from exhaustion or obligation, but from strength, clarity, and purpose. When giving is aligned, it leads to growth for both the one who gives and those who receive. But when it is driven by pressure or perfection, it can become unsustainable. For many men, this same dynamic appears differently through the pressure to provide, to lead, and to remain strong, often without the space to pause or express vulnerability. We do not often hear about the sacrifices made, the difficult decisions, or the moments of doubt and failure that shaped those outcomes. As a result, many people begin to compare their lived experiences to a version of success that does not fully reflect reality. Research by Harvard Business Review shows that high-performing individuals, particularly women, are more likely to experience perfectionism-related pressure, which can affect both well-being and performance. Deloitte’s research on workplace well-being similarly highlights how sustained internal pressure, when not managed, contributes to burnout and reduced effectiveness over time. A recent scene from Imperfect Woman captures this tension clearly the gap between expectations and lived reality. It reflects a struggle many can relate to: trying to meet standards that are often undefined, yet deeply internalized. This connects closely with the concept of mental fitness, particularly the Positive Intelligence framework developed by Shirzad Chamine. The framework explains that each of us has internal “saboteurs” mental patterns that can either support or limit us, depending on how we manage them. One of the most common patterns among high-achieving individuals is the Stickler, often referred to as the perfectionist. However, it rarely operates alone. It is often accompanied by other internal drivers such as the Pleaser, the Hyper-Achiever, or the Controller, creating a complex pressure to perform, to please, and to get everything right. These patterns are not limited to women. Many men experience similar internal drivers particularly the pressure to achieve, provide, and remain in control often without the space to express or process the weight that comes with it. At their best, these tendencies drive excellence, discipline, and a strong sense of responsibility. However, when overextended, they can become limiting. What looks like strength on the outside is often a combination of internal drivers striving to achieve, to please, and to get everything right. Perfection can shift from being a strength to becoming a source of pressure. It can lead to overthinking, delayed decisions, and an inability to move forward unless everything feels “right.” In the process, progress slows, and opportunities for growth are reduced. Growth does not come from flawless execution. It comes from trying, adjusting, and improving over time. When the focus is only on getting everything right, the space for learning becomes smaller. Mental fitness does not suggest removing these tendencies. Instead, it encourages awareness. The same drive for excellence, when balanced, can support high performance without limiting growth. This is where a shift becomes important. To truly “give and gain,” individuals must also allow themselves to receive rest, clarity, support, and renewal. Because giving that is sustained comes from strength, not exhaustion. Neither women nor men need to be perfect to be impactful. They do not need to meet every expectation to be valuable, nor carry every responsibility alone to be considered strong. True strength lies in understanding what drives us internally recognizing when it supports us and when it holds us back. Because the challenge is not the role itself, but when purpose is carried without boundaries, and strength is expected without renewal. Behind every visible success is a journey that is not perfect. And perhaps that is the reminder worth holding on to: progress, not perfection, is what sustains both performance and well-being. Christine Biraro is an International Coaching Federation (ICF) certified coach and Customer Experience Manager at Bank of Kigali.
