Last week I told you about a new regime which was ushered in at our Gikondo based NGO. You may recall the pipe smoking expatriate and boss, who used to spend his day snoozing in his tent; he was recalled back to the headquarters in Europe. This was soon after a mini-audit which had revealed that there had been mismanagement of the NGO. There was no accountability at the NGO. For Aggrey (friend and colleague) and me, this mismanagement was a blessing since we used to draw salary advances without paying them back. Since there was no payroll system, our boss always used forgot to deduct advances. So, when new boss assumed office, things became different. A payroll system was introduced immediately. She also put a halt to salary payments in form of US dollars. Instead, we started to receive salaries in Rwanda francs. She scrapped off all other allowances such as overtime payment and entertainment allowances. Aggrey and I soon became as poor as church mice. That is why we started hatching up lousy plans such as the one I told you about last week. You may recall that we used old newspapers and fake bunch of keys to visit restaurants for free food. Whenever the waiters saw our papers and keys at the tables, they would imagine that we were still around. The truth of the matter is that we would have crushed all the food and marched out without paying a penny. This lifestyle was not one that we could really sustain. So we decided that our new boss had to go by all means. We decided to attempt everything so that our old boss could return! Was that really going to happen? Only time would tell. Anyways, we continued to strive on and tried to make ends meet. Then during the month of December, we approached our new boss and explained to her that in the tradition of the NGO, we always threw an end of year party! We told her that the end of year parties was held in posh places such as the Meridian Hotel or Mille Colline Hotel. What was the budget? Oh? Not more than one million francs. “What? Are you crazy? Do you think this is an entertainment company, The only budget I can offer is fifty thousand francs!” Phew! This new chief was such a misery lady! Fifty thousand francs only? Anyways, Aggrey and I were then told to look for a place where we could have an evening out for about Rwf 50,000. The only place which could fit the bill was at a pub situated in Remera at a place called Migina. This was just below the Amahoro stadium. It was a place which was well known for roasting a special kind of meat called michope. We made the necessary bookings and arrangements for the evening out. We duly informed the boss who promptly authorized the deal. Come D-day, we headed to Migina for the mega party. But before we started the occasion, Aggrey and I dashed to the kitchen to strike a deal with the cooks. We told them to prepare a special kind of michope which would serve two purposes. The first purpose was to burn our boss’s mouth with lots of red pepper. The second purpose was to create a serious battle in our boss’s stomach. The cooks agreed to carry out the mission free of charge. So, it was time for the speeches. Our new boss gave a short speech emphasizing on cost cutting. “That is why we have not gone to the big hotels this year. We have to cut costs at all costs!” He he he, what she did not know is that she was going to pay in kind. So, when the michope finally arrived, the red pepper burned her lips like there was no tomorrow. Within a few minutes, her stomach had started to rumble in the jungle! Her face became pale. She was very sick! Before long, she was being stretchered off to a waiting car outside which sped off straight to the hospital. As for us, we cheered on in happiness. The dictator had faced her own music. All we could pray for was for our new boss to give up and go back to where she had come from… E-mail: diaspoman@yahoo.com
