Habits often start small: a drink with friends, a celebratory toast, or to relax after work. What seems harmless can grow into a pattern. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, explains that our behaviour is strongly influenced by what we see. Vision accounts for over half of the brain’s resources. Movies, music videos, and advertisements portray alcohol as glamorous, or cool, sending subtle messages that drinking is part of adulthood, socializing, and success. ALSO READ: Alcoholism, absence of family time threaten stability of Rwandan families Clear identifies three sources of imitation: the close, the many, and the powerful. We imitate the close because we absorb habits from family and friends. Children raised in households where parents drink regularly are more likely to adopt the same patterns. We imitate the many because we watch peers and society, asking, “What is everyone else doing?” Finally, the powerful; celebrities, athletes, public figures, set aspirational examples. When culture glamorizes alcohol, resisting it requires conscious effort. ALSO READ: Let us talk about alcohol, writes First Lady Jeannette Kagame Parents must ask themselves: Is this the heritage I want to pass on? Children watch more than they listen. Every drink we take, every argument fuelled by alcohol, every late-night disturbance teaches something about priorities, self-control, and life values. Former minister Charles Muligande, responding to President Paul Kagame at the 18th Unity Club Intwararumuri Forum, reminded us that true leadership is about sacrifice. “Leaders eat last,” he said, referencing Simon Sinek. Parents should act similarly, placing children’s safety and future above fleeting pleasures. Alcohol jeopardizes that responsibility. Alcohol is not harmless. According to the World Health Organization, over three million people die annually from alcohol related causes. Chronic drinking damages the liver, cardiovascular system, and brain, and suppresses immunity. It increases risks for cancer, depression, memory loss, and accidents. ALSO READ: The gift of breathing: What a family crisis taught me about life Families suffer: children lose parents to alcohol related illness, accidents, or violence. Beyond numbers, alcohol destabilizes homes, triggering conflict, neglect, and trauma. ALSO READ: It takes a village: Raising children in times of rapid change The Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test (AUDIT) can help you reflect on your habits and the risk of alcoholism. Answer these 10 questions honestly: How often do you have a drink containing alcohol? How many drinks containing alcohol do you have on a typical day when you are drinking? How often do you have six or more drinks on one occasion? How often during the last year have you found that you were not able to stop drinking once you had started? How often during the last year have you failed to do what was normally expected from you because of drinking? How often during the last year have you needed a first drink in the morning to get yourself going after a heavy drinking session? How often during the last year have you had a feeling of guilt or remorse after drinking? How often during the last year have you been unable to remember what happened the night before because you had been drinking? Have you or someone else been injured as a result of your drinking? 10.Has a relative, friend, doctor, or other health worker been concerned about your drinking or suggested you cut down? Each AUDIT question is scored from 0 to 4 points based on how often you drink. If your answer is “Never,” you get 0 points; “Monthly or less,” 1 point; “2–4 times a month,” 2 points; “2–3 times a week,” 3 points; and “4 or more times a week,” 4 points. After all, 10 questions, your total score (0–40) shows your risk level: 0–7: Low risk, your drinking is unlikely to harm you. 8–15: Hazardous drinking, your pattern could cause problems. 16–19: Harmful drinking, your alcohol use is already affecting your health, relationships, or work. 20 : Likely alcohol dependence, there is a strong possibility of alcoholism; medical help is recommended. It’s not just “yes” or “no.” It’s about patterns, frequency, and consequences. Take a moment and ask yourself honestly: do my habits put me at risk of alcoholism? Am I teaching my children that this is normal behaviour? Every drink is a lesson, every hangover an education. ALSO READ: A labour of love: building resilient Rwandan families Parenting, leadership, and self-control go hand in hand. Children mirror actions more than words. Parents who drink excessively teach stress management, conflict resolution, and pleasure in ways that risk long-term harm. Families absorb these patterns without realizing it. By choosing moderation or abstinence, we model self-respect, responsibility, and health. We all have the choice to lead by example. Clear’s principle of positive habits can apply to life beyond personal gain. Ask before every drink: Is this the legacy I want to leave for my children, my family, my community? This is not a condemnation, but a reflection. We are not born alcoholics, but habits can shape our futures and those of our children. By understanding the science, observing our environment, and assessing behaviour through tools like AUDIT, we can make conscious choices. Real freedom comes from awareness, discipline, and empathy. We cannot undo the past, but we can shape the future. Choosing life over habit, responsibility over convenience, and selflessness over temporary pleasure is a decision we make every day. Children are watching. Society is watching. The legacy we leave is ours to craft. The writer is a Rwandan journalist passionate about storytelling and using media to inspire positive change.
