The Rwandan marriage today is a blend of traditional traditions and new practices that have resulted from the introduction of or interaction with foreign cultures. One traditional practice, dowry paying, has remained central to the Rwandan marriage, but it has also evolved throughout the generations. Traditionally in Rwanda, dowries were paid with cows, a meaningful gesture honoring the bride’s family and cultural customs. But with modernization, monetary payments are replacing cattle, though in some wedding ceremonies the money might be referred to as the cow, which also reflects the enduring value of cattle in Rwandan society. ALSO READ: From tradition to modernity: Tracing the footsteps of the Rwandan girl In ancient Rwanda, weddings were once marked by distinct stages, each carrying its own cultural meaning and significance. Today, however, many of these stages are condensed into fewer days or just a single day. When talking about the Rwandan marriage, it's difficult to avoid the debate about preserving the traditions and embracing new ways of doing things. But what was the significance of marriage and dowry paying in ancient Rwanda? To answer that question and shed light on how the traditional wedding was prepared, its meaning and value, The New Times reporter Novella Uwase Karangwa sat down with Modeste Nsanzabaganwa, a researcher of Rwandan culture, who worked with Rwanda Cultural Heritage Academy. How was the Rwandan wedding traditionally prepared and what changes have occurred over time? In traditional Rwandan society, a man’s journey toward marriage began with signs of maturity, such as growing facial hair, seeking or building his own shelter, and expressing a desire for independence. Elders closely observed these developments, often saying it was time he found a woman to live with. Even actions like asking to smoke tobacco, which was forbidden to children, were seen as indicators of adulthood. Parents, while advising against smoking, would ask, ‘Who will be preparing the cigarette for you?’, a subtle way of prompting him to consider marriage. Such guidance reflected a culture rooted in mutual support and clear social expectations, leading toward the dowry process as a formal step into adulthood. ALSO READ: Is dowry still relevant in Rwanda today? The first stage kuranga, was a formal act of the groom’s family expressing interest in a potential bride. It involved identifying a suitable family, often based more on the family's reputation than the individual girl herself. The focus was not on personal relationships, but on finding a bride from a well-regarded family. Kurambagiza, the courtship phase following kuranga, was a family-led process focused on evaluating the girl's character, upbringing, and family background rather than romantic attraction. It involved observing her behavior, cleanliness, work ethic, and the overall environment of her home to ensure she was raised with good values. Traditionally, the groom did not see the bride beforehand, with assessments carried out discreetly by his friends or family members. Over time, this practice evolved to young men taking a more direct role in courting. Gusaba irembo, which is seeking the bride’s family’s consent to marry, as the third stage, came after the boy’s family had appreciated the girl’s behavior or the family’s behavior. This was about establishing a bond and building a relationship between the family of the girl and that of the boy. This process showed the groom’s commitment and marked the beginning of further marriage arrangements. It also acknowledged that others might have shown interest in the bride, so it was important to confirm one’s intention respectfully and clearly. The head of the family would take the responsibility of carrying out this stage or delegate this role to someone else, but often, it was the boy's father who took care of it. During this stage, they would bring traditional beer made from sorghum, amarwa, or bring honey beer, inturire, depending on the family's means. Gufata irembo was an act of leaving a sign by the groom’s family that marked their presence and signaled that they were committed to moving forward with the full marriage process. This was attached to gusaba irembo, asking the bride’s family for her hand in marriage. The sign that was left was often a cow or, in some cases, a boy who would assist with farming or house repairs at the girl’s home. Gusaba no gukwa, the traditional Rwandan wedding ceremony, as the fourth stage, began with gusaba umugeni, a formal bride-asking event held at the bride’s home. Central to this occasion were traditional drinks like the sorghum beer, urwagwa, the banana beer, and, in some regions, the honey beer, which would accompany the ceremonial dialogue. The heart of the event was imisango, a structured and symbolic exchange between the groom's spokesperson, umukwe mukuru, and the bride’s spokesperson, umusangwa mukuru. This ritual conversation served to unite the two families, foster mutual understanding, and formally request the bride’s hand. In these wedding rituals, the bride’s family would begin by challenging the groom’s family by posing difficult questions or conditions to test how they would respond and how united and respectful they were. This process allowed the bride’s family to assess whether the groom’s family would be capable of defending and standing up for their daughter if needed. Gukwa umugeni, the act of giving the bride price, inkwano, was a token of appreciation to the bride’s parents for raising her. In Rwandan culture, the type of dowry given varied based on the social and economic status of the groom’s family. Wealthier families could offer cows, while others gave goats, sheep, or farming tools like hoes. Notably, if a groom came from a poor but respectable family, he could be granted the bride without paying the dowry. In traditional dowry practices, families prioritized gukwa, the giving of the bride price immediately. Delaying the dowry after these initial steps was seen as a form of dishonor, because it blocked other potential suitors who might have been more prepared. Accepting what was offered promptly was viewed as a mark of dignity and respect, reflecting the cultural value of ubupfura, nobility. As the saying goes, ‘aho imfura zisezeraniye niho zihurira’, meaning true nobles honor their commitments. Gutebutsa, as the fifth stage of the Rwandan marriage, was an act of discussing and agreeing on the date when the two families will hold the marriage ceremony for their children. The groom’s family would perform gutebutsa. Without this step, the groom could be seen as having lost interest. On the agreed day, the bride would be formally escorted to her new home. In the past, it was difficult for couples to separate because they valued the important roles their families played in the wedding process. While disagreements could still happen, couples often chose to stay together out of respect for their families’ involvement. The final stage of traditional Rwandan marriage was gutwikurura, a ceremony where the bride was formally unveiled to the groom’s family, symbolizing her full integration into the new home. It traditionally followed kurongorwa, the consummation of the marriage. During the ceremony, which was prepared by the bride’s family, the bride could cover herself with a cloth to be ceremonially unveiled. Her family would provide food, drinks, and a traditional beer called ikigage to mark the occasion. While gutwikurura originally took place only after consummation, modern practices have shifted, where it is now sometimes held beforehand, reflecting changes in the cultural understanding of this rite. What role did dowry play in traditional Rwandan marriages and how has its meaning shifted in modern society? In the past, paying dowry was seen as a form of guarantee or support for the future children of the marriage. If a woman left her husband without dowry having been paid, and she had children, she would take them with her to her parents’ home. However, if dowry had been paid, such as a cow or other items to the bride’s family, those would be returned to the husband if the couple had separated because the children would remain with him and the dowry would help support them. Unlike today, dowry was not based on money but on meaningful contributions like livestock or farm tools, reflecting a lifestyle centered on agriculture. When dowry is given in the form of money, and because people value and desire money, it often leads to excessive greed. With all these changes, it seems difficult to find a solution. However, there is a need to create a fair and appropriate approach that works for everyone, whether rich, poor, or in between. How was marriage viewed in ancient Rwanda and what has changed in family involvement today? In the past, marriage was igihango, a deep and lasting bond or pact between families, not just between the couple. Elders guided the process, and the bride was warmly welcomed into her husband’s family as their own child. For example, the father-in-law would receive her with kindness, even offering a cow as a sign of acceptance. This strong family involvement created lasting support systems. If issues arose in the marriage, the bride could turn to her in-laws, who would guide and counsel the husband without blame. This family bond encouraged patience and stability. Today, however, with families less involved, many marriages may lack support and fall apart more easily.
