“I buried my mother at 16”: a Genocide survivor’s story of pain, courage, and healing

At just 16 years old, Jean Maurice Gasasira, known to many as Sadamu, was forced to bury his mother with his own hands during the Genocide against the Tutsi. What followed was a harrowing journey of survival, marked by profound loss, resilience, and ultimately, a courageous path toward forgiveness. Born in 1978 in the former Rugenge sector, now Muhima Sector, in Nyarugenge District, Gasasira grew up in a sincere Catholic family, attending Saint Famille Primary School and worshipping at the same church. Life was normal until it wasn’t. The early 1990s brought rising tension. “As early as 1991, 1992, and 1993, we saw signs that we would be killed,” he recalled during a recent commemoration event organised by Rwanda Social Security Board (RSSB) to honor 19 former employees of Caisse Sociale du Rwanda who were killed during the Genocide. By 1994, Gasasira was in Senior 2 at Gahini High School. “We had classmates who were called ‘déplacés de guerre’ – displace persons due to war. During school holidays, they weren’t allowed to go home because their regions were under RPA control,” he narrated. “Some students even began compiling lists of Tutsi students to be killed. They warned us how we would be thrown into Lake Muhazi and tried it once. However, one day a student tipped us off that a planned attack would begin once the lights went out during dinner,” Gasasira recalled. “That warning saved our lives.” On April 6, 1994, when former President Juvenal Habyarimana’s plane was shot down, Gasasira’s mother had just given birth two weeks earlier. “That night, my father had already sensed danger. He immediately sent us to our family members to different homes in the neighborhood for safety,” he said. “But the next day, April 7, our neighbors, people we had lived with for years, started killing.” Gasasira’s father was a marked man. He had been involved in fundraising efforts for the Rwanda Patriotic Army (RPA)’s 600 soldiers stationed at the CND – current Parliament. “On April 8, they began hunting him down because his photo appeared in fundraising materials,” Gasasira said. “Angelina Mukandutiye, a famous figure during the Genocide, reportedly said, ‘If Yaremye (my father) is not found, the killings won’t stop.” His father went into hiding. The killers turned their attention to his mother. “She was hiding at our neighbor Cecile’s house, under the bed. However, her feet were visible. They lured her back to our house and shot her three times.” Gasasira said. “At the time of her killing I was hiding at our neighbor Gasatsi, and they had a son who was my generation but was a bit older. I immediately went home when I learnt about the killing of my mother, and I placed her in a chair soaked in blood, covered her, and went back to my hiding place.” Upon returning to his hiding place, Gasasira found that Gatsatsi and his wife had also been just killed. After a while, Claude, Gasatsi’s son, advised him to bury them; they dug three graves in the rain. “I loved the April rain because it masked our movements and muted the sounds of our digs,” he said. “We buried our loved ones as Interahamwe wandered, suspecting my father might appear at the funeral.” On April 12, the killers returned. “They came to kill me, but instead killed our cows. I tried to seek refuge at Saint Famille Church, but failed. Each attempt was blocked by people I once prayed with,and neighbors I grew up with. I tried four times. The fifth time, I gave up and went back home.” On April 19, while trying to enter the church again, he encountered an Interahamwe named Nkeshimana. “He slapped me so hard that I lost my hearing for a moment. He pointed a gun at me. In that moment, RPA soldiers started firing gunshots in Gisozi. He panicked, told me to lie down, and then left. That’s how I survived him.” Gasasira’s home was later set on fire. “It burned for three straight days,” he said. “Next to our house were unfinished business structures with deep latrine pits. Interahamwe called the place ‘CND,’ mocking the RPA’s headquarters, and threw Tutsi victims into those pits. Over 600 bodies were later recovered and now rest at the Kigali Genocide Memorial.” Finally, he found refuge at Saint Famille. “It used to take me 10 minutes to get there before the Genocide. It took me many days in April.” Even inside the church, he witnessed killings. “Policemen were driving Hilux trucks branded with ‘MRND Commune Nyarugenge’ who took people out and executed them.” In May, the UN peacekeeping force, MINUAR, registered people who wanted to move into RPA-controlled zones. “We submitted our names to the priest. That same list was later used to identify and kill some of us,” he said. “Walking from Saint Famille to KBC was like walking through death. Many were killed along the way. I still do not know what happened to my sister and our last born who was just two weeks. They disappeared.” Gasasira finally reached where he sought refuge. A fate brought him back into contact with his father’s friend, then-Major Charles Kayonga, one of the 600 RPA soldiers. “He came to pick me up. That’s how I joined the army,” he said. “I trained in Kabuye and took part in the liberation struggle.” After being hunted for some time, Gasasira’s father was later killed. “My father was found in Kabgayi on May 17, after being hunted down on the orders of Angelina Mukandutiye and Nyirabagenzi. Interahamwe cut him into pieces and brought body parts as proof,” he said, his voice heavy. Despite the trauma and need for revenge, Gasasira chose healing. “As a soldier used to have two guns. They used to tell me, ‘You can’t go home for leave; you’ll kill everyone.’ However, we thank President Paul Kagame for the discipline he instilled in us. We did not aveng.” Today, Gasasira is a father of two, chairman of the Rwanda Patriotic Front (RPF) in his neighborhood, and a born-again Christian. “Through that long, painful journey, I finally healed and gave my life to Christ. I received peace in my heart and forgave those who were killed in our area.” However, he said that wounds remain, as some survivors have never buried their loved ones. Calling for everyone who might have information about the bodies to give it.

News

“I buried my mother at 16”: a Genocide survivor’s story of pain, courage, and healing