HUMOUR : Bird Hunter misses out on BB4 but no regrets…..

As you may have heard, M-net’s Big Brother 4 has kicked off in earnest in South Africa. I had informed you sometime back that the one and only Bird Hunter would be one of the participants at the Big Brother4 House, making a star appearance due to public demand. But I know that thousands and thousands of you have been following the show closely to try and catch a glimpse of me doing my thing ina di house. I am so very very sorry if you are disappointed and I should add that all inconveniences caused by this are highly regretted. However, if you were keen enough, you should have noticed that the thing kicked off as a bull show. By bull-show I mean that there was aridity of the vital commodities that make the world, sorry the show go round. If you wanna know, that is exactly the reason why I turned down the offer to participate despite several pleas from the organizers. The husky voice of the Big Brother fella also called me and he was like “Mr. Bird Hunter, this is Big Brother…you cannot see me but I am practically on my knees requesting you to grace the BB4 show. If you want, we can declare you winner ahead of the show if this can convince you to participate..” well, well, you should have heard this fella talking without the usual mapozi that is typical of him when he wants to intimidate housemates into freaking out and losing their composure. But not even the persuasion from the big man himself could melt my heart. I told him outright that my stand was just like the Late Bob Marley who stood up against the Late Mzee Jomo Kenyatta when he told him that if he wanted to stage a show in Kenya, there would be no smoking of ‘Ganja’ by neither him nor members of his band on Kenyan soil. The former told him “no Ganja, no music” without giving a hoot that this was a freedom fighter, a baba wa taifa and a standing President. Bob Marley then gave Kenyan soil a break and moved on to Zimbabwe where he sang the popular freedom song “Africans liberate, Zimbabwe,” to the anger of Kenyans who thought that Bob should have been left to smoke his brains out as long as he staged the historic performance. I also told Big Brother in his ear that “no birds, no appearance by the Bird Hunter in BB4.” I heard him breathe deeply with disappointment. Well, that was my stand and there was no way I could have made any compromise. I am the Bird Hunter and all I do revolves around birds. There is no way I could have accepted to go into that bird-less house as if I am gay. I would die in there with boredom and in the process I would kill the audience with double the dose of boredom. This would not be good for M-net. Well, he told me that if that was the case, he was even willing to “do something about it.” The thing is, the organizers had initially intended to change the usual style of having a mixed house and make it a ‘single’ house. I guess they intended to perhaps throw in some gay and straight hunters in there and then let the audience enjoy the fray that would ensue. Luckily I had my ear to the ground and found out this conspiracy on time. How dare they even think about lowering my status to that level? Unbelievable! Well, I am now told that after I turned down the offer, the organizers have now gone back to the drawing board and have carried out last minute stunts to bring birds on board just to try and convince me to participate. Well, I am impressed by the efforts but let me assure you that nothing will make me go to that house. Unless someone kidnaps me and takes me there. But that will not work either. Blame everything on your original mistake folks. So, maybe next time, perhaps BB5, but don’t expect me in BB4. Folks, I am sorry, but it was the fault of the organizers. How dare they exclude them birds? This is birdsphemy!! Ends