For many survivors of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi, talking about the past with younger generations is a deeply emotional task. For parents, sharing these painful memories can feel like reopening old wounds. Mental health experts emphasise that while it is essential to educate the next generation, these conversations must be approached with sensitivity and care to avoid transferring trauma. ALSO READ: 31 years later, Rwanda remembers Chantal Mudahogora, a psychotherapist at Solid Minds, a Kigali-based mental health clinic, acknowledges how difficult it is for parents—especially those directly affected—to recount their experiences. “For genocide survivors, especially as parents, answering tough questions like ‘Why were your parents killed?’ or ‘Why did they kill children?’ is extremely hard,” Mudahogora said. “We often haven’t fully processed our pain or shared our stories. So, we end up saying things like, ‘Don’t worry about it’ or ‘Just forget.’ But it’s not that easy.” She explained that when survivors have not fully healed, their narratives may be coloured by unresolved emotions, which can burden their children emotionally. ALSO READ: Rwanda urges global action against Genocide denial and ideology In an attempt to protect their children, many avoid such discussions altogether. However, this silence often sparks curiosity, especially as children grow older. “The more you dismiss them, the more they want to know. When their questions go unanswered, they’ll seek information elsewhere,” Mudahogora said. The key, she explained, is to offer a sober, emotionally balanced narrative—one that allows children to understand the truth without inheriting the trauma. Early messages shape children’s long-term perceptions, and if delivered carelessly, those perceptions may be difficult to change. Transgenerational trauma, she noted, isn’t limited to genocide survivors. Children raised in violent or dysfunctional homes also carry emotional scars—even if they were never explicitly told about their parents’ pasts. “These kids witnessed traumatic events. They, too, need the truth,” she added. To break the cycle of trauma, Mudahogora advocates for open, honest conversations that foster healing and prevent the perpetuation of pain across generations. Clinical psychologist Christella Ishimwe of mHub Rwanda, a mental health clinic in Kicukiro, pointed out that children often absorb the emotional distress of parents who are struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression. “The parent-child relationship and home environment play a major role in how trauma is passed on,” she said. For healing to be effective, Ishimwe encourages age-appropriate, open communication. “Children need to feel safe to express their feelings and ask questions. Responses should be tailored to their developmental stage, especially when discussing sensitive topics like genocide,” she advised. She suggests using memorial sites or historical landmarks as tools to teach children in emotionally appropriate ways. Additionally, Ishimwe stressed the importance of emotional support. Young people affected by trauma may struggle to understand or express their feelings—especially when their parents carry deep emotional wounds. “Adults need to actively listen and validate these feelings, showing children that their emotions are valid and shared,” she said. She also emphasised teaching healthy coping strategies like journaling, art therapy, yoga, and physical activity. These help build emotional resilience. “Children often learn by observing. If adults model open, honest emotional expression, it teaches kids how to manage their own feelings constructively,” she said. Peer support groups, Ishimwe noted, also help, as they connect young people with others facing similar challenges. Programs such as Our Past Initiative have been effective in promoting collective healing. She recommends programs that blend historical education with psychological support, helping normalize mental health conversations and encouraging emotional processing. Access to crisis counseling is crucial during emotionally charged periods, such as genocide commemoration events. Fortunately, such services are increasingly available—via hotlines, online platforms, and in-person sessions. “Adults dealing with trauma should seek professional help—not just for themselves, but to better support their children,” Ishimwe advised. Janvier Muhire, a Kigali-based clinical psychologist, added that children exposed to traumatic events can display symptoms such as headaches, sleep disturbances, nightmares, trouble concentrating, clinginess, withdrawal, or even substance use. “These symptoms vary by age. If they persist for more than a month, families should seek professional help,” he said. Muhire stressed that caregivers need to manage their own emotional health to provide effective support. He also advised maintaining daily routines to help children feel secure. “It’s important to let children express their emotions freely and avoid overexposing them to traumatic media content,” he said. When discussing genocide with children, Muhire recommends assessing their readiness and offering age-appropriate information. Pressuring children to talk before they are ready can backfire—these conversations should be ongoing and empathetic. He also encouraged co-viewing media related to traumatic events to provide children with context and reassurance. “In Rwanda, the demand for accessible mental health services continues to grow. While progress has been made, more resources are needed—especially during periods when the emotional toll of the past resurfaces,” Muhire said.
