Cathy met her partner in one of the church cell groups three years ago. What attracted her to him was his love for God and kindness. All was rosy until his jealous behavior unfolded. According to Cathy, her boyfriend started acting weird every time he realised she was close to male friends. Since she sang in choir, there were always male choir mates reaching out, either to check on her or to just discuss church programs such as choir rehearsals, a thing that didn’t sit well with her partner. All the time, the two had fights, about allegations that she was cheating, to the extent that his partner started checking her phone and spying on her. Regardless of how unhealthy it was, none of them bothered to walk away, even when friends advised them that they needed to solve their issues or else think of ways to move forward. Just like Cathy, there are many people in such relationships or even worse. Have you ever experienced a kind of connection that is magical, but comprises highs and lows, and toxic behavior patterns? That’s a karmic relationship, both passion and pain are present. They are not only emotionally exhausting, but unhealthy. This kind of relationship is obsessive as partners feel as though they can’t leave without each other and may not see the need to take a break regardless of the red flags, and the damages it causes to both parties. According to Healthline, a karmic relationship indicates that a person is destined to be with the other person and can’t understand why it’s not working out, because this person feels perfect for them. This makes it very difficult to see their partner’s flaws. This kind of connection isn’t limited to only romantic partners, but also friends, and family members. “Karmic relationships are hard work, you can be excited one minute, and then disappointed or agitated the next minute, at times even one person puts efforts to make it work, while the other partner is waiting to be cared for and loved but not reciprocating anything. In the long run, it becomes boring, yet two partners clearly believe they are soulmates, which isn’t the case. The relationship may even be violent but the couple hopes eventually all will be well,” says Moses Mugisha, an accountant by profession. For him, most couples that rush into marriage before courtship, are likely to divorce after a short time because it may seem like they have finally met their hearts’ desires, but only takes time to prove to them that they are wrong. Mugisha is of the view that karmic relationships are questionable, as you may find yourself covering up for your partner’s behavior. Such partners may embarrass or make fun of you in public, but still you make an excuse so as to hide their red flags. Although there is no relationship that is perfect, he believes that karmic relationships at times don’t address the problem, but move forward even when there are serious issues to discuss or solve, this is not the case in healthy relationships because couples settle their differences. Mugisha stresses that karmic relationships can be contrasting. Even though they’re tough or rocky, you can feel a strong connection or drawn to the person you love—you may even love most of their amazing qualities. Experts say that karmic relationships sometimes dim one’s light that they fear revealing or being their true selves to their partners. They feel like they have to change something about themselves or perhaps there is a part of them that they have to keep hidden from their karmic partner. Karmic love partners are believed to often be dependent on each other. One’s person will become their main source of happiness, and source of misery at the same time. Counselor Irene Gakumba states that in order to avoid being stuck in such kind of relationship, be sure of what you want and what you’re adding to the relationship, as that will avert disappointments. For her, ponder on the questions such as, What do you want? Why do you want to be in that relationship? What are you willing to bring to that relationship? How are you able to solve problems when they arise? Who do you turn to for support or counseling? How can you tell that the relationship is beyond repair? She is of the view that you ought to be open to your partner about their behaviors that you’re not comfortable with, if they are not willing to change, talk to a friend you trust for advice or seek counseling. The counselor adds that if the connection turns violent, and abusive, it’s time to call it quits, though it may not be easy to let go, your mental health is key. She notes that breakups are tough which is why one needs to have enough time to heal before rushing into another relationship because they may end up heartbroken “Seek activities or hobbies that make you happy instead of focusing on your partner’s miserable behavior—it will keep you engaged, happy and allow you to learn more about yourself,” Gakumba states.
