You have perhaps heard the proverb, ‘Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’, this means that you can fall for a mistake once but not twice. When it comes to relationships, it’s easy to be lost and push your values aside just to impress the person you love, until you wake up to your senses and realise that your partner is taking advantage of you. If you’re a Hollywood movies’ fan, it’s easy to be trapped in romantic love that doesn't resonate to reality at all, the kind of love that is so pure and effortlessly flows—the type of love that is so good to be true, with less or no challenges. Reality dating is different, it requires patience, communication, forgiveness and so forth to work, but also, noticing when to move on, especially if you have given it a try but can’t seem to see change. Many scenarios can push couples to go separate ways, for instance, imagine instances where you find your partner cheating, not once but on several occasions, don’t feel valued or respected, lack of effort or even dishonesty, or when unfaithfulness and lack of growth and poor communication kick in. Pearl Denise has been married for five years and has been blessed with two children. For her, a relationship doesn’t work out on its own, it requires effort. She explains that what has kept hers going, is creating a strong bond with her partner and understanding each other, she believes this is very important and is what strengthens and complements the love. For her, love alone can’t mend a relationship, for one to deserve a second chance, they must have deeper traits, such as respect, trust, loyalty, kindness, and others. She also carries on that people who admit their mistakes and promise to be better or do better, can be offered another chance. Denise points out that it requires maturity, to acknowledge one’s mistakes, and such a person even when they ever find themselves in the wrong, in the future, you’re assured that you can always work things out, unlike unapologetic people or those that blame others for their mistakes always. “But also, saying that you’re changed isn’t enough, you ought to reflect it in your actions.” She highlights that you can’t give a second chance to someone if you haven’t allowed yourself to forgive them first—healing starts when one develops the love and decision to take away the bitterness they felt for others for whatever pain they caused them. “Ensure you need this person back but not just missing the good old times or are bored. Take time to think carefully if they’re the people you see a future with or are worthy of another chance. If you landed on a picture of them with you and envisioned being together, that’s not reason enough to allow them back into your life. Don’t let family or friends decide for you, make sure it’s exactly what you want,” states Herbert Mutabazi, a businessman and software engineer. A study stated that the most common reason why exes get back together is the lingering feelings they couldn’t shake off, followed by a sense of familiarity, companionship, and regret. Mutabazi expounds that make sure that the reason for your break is resolved, if it was a difference in religion and you’re both still in your religious beliefs, it’s obvious that you will encounter problems. He adds that if the problem was long distance, discuss how you will be able to close the gap and work on it immediately, because failure to do so will just leave your love on a line. The businessman further explains that usually toxic people don’t just reform just like that. If your ex-partner was toxic, however much they convince you that they are different, don’t forget easily how they hurt you psychologically, emotionally and physically. He is of the view that toxic people that didn’t seek or aren’t undergoing any professional help are not safe dating.
