Not so many beautiful things compare to a good relationship between a mother and a daughter. Friendship is a good thing but with your mother, it becomes even more than a good thing. Imagine you get to receive motherly affection, and honest advice from your mother and also get to share every single thing with her, the gossip, the heartbreaks, the ups and downs, and many other things. For many mothers, their dream is to have a deep connection with their daughters, a connection other than being their mother only, or their parent. According to Nadia Ishimwe, a single mother of two, being friends with your daughter doesn’t require you to do much. “In the Rwandan culture it is rare to find mothers being best friends with their daughters. As mothers we need to first understand that our daughters are also their own person, they are individuals and therefore they need a friendship that is normal as one they would have with other girls their age. There are some mothers who try to push it by doing too much but as with any other friendship it comes naturally, you have to let it go smoothly as if you were making friends with women your age,” she says. Ishimwe continues, “Let your girl feel comfortable around you, I have always made my daughter feel that it is okay to be goofy around me, to tell me everything even the silliest things, to be herself around me without judging her, so as a mother don’t let your daughter feel tense and uncomfortable whenever she is around you create that environment that tells her that she can confide in you whenever she wants, and that is where the trust to make you her friend starts from.” Angie Iliza, a mother, explains that a friendship between a mother and a daughter is necessary because it allows the daughter to feel that she has that one person that will never betray her. “Friends of her age are fine but they will come and go, so being her best friend or friend is making sure that even if they leave she will still have that one person that will never leave her no matter what. Being friends with your daughter can be challenging because she is a version of you so understanding each other can be hard sometimes, but if you want to be her friend try and be open-minded, don’t be judgmental or point fingers, that one trait can create a friendship you never expected,” she says. Iliza, also suggests spending more time together with your daughter because the more you spend time with her you learn a lot from her, and a lot that gives you chances of starting a friendship with her. “Instead of being the one to teach and guide your daughter, this time let her teach you, learn from her because she has a lot she would wish to tell you and teach you, as a mother you have to remember that you come from different generations and for you to be compatible you need to learn from each other, so let your daughter know that you are interested in knowing what she also knows,” says Carine Uwamahoro, a student at Mount Kenya University. Uwamahoro adds “Learn to listen to your daughter, our mothers always feel that they are the ones to talk which is not a bad thing, but also listening to your daughter is important because that is where you will learn what she wants from you, how she wants her mother to be and what kind of relationship she wants with, listening to her creates trust, she feels that whatever she will tell you will be kept safe,” she says.
