In order to create and maintain healthy relationships, boundaries are necessary. Personal boundaries can be defined as limits and rules to establish how others are able to behave around you. The Cambridge Dictionary states that boundaries are the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behaviour. Boundaries basically define what is acceptable and unacceptable to people in any kind of relationship, some of these are physical, emotional, mental, intellectual, financial, sexual, material, resource and time. Emotional and mental boundaries tend to be more subtle and tougher to spot than physical boundaries. Photo/Net Experts say that when you understand how to set and maintain healthy boundaries, you can avert the feelings of rage, disappointment and anger that accumulate when limits have been shoved. Irene Gakumba, a counsellor, says to let people know what’s comfortable for you, because when you stretch too hard to please others, you may end up unhappy. For instance, she explains that when it comes to financial boundaries—if you have decided to save money for something and don’t wish to lend that money to anyone—then do exactly that. For her, many people think they have to always be the ones to go an extra mile to provide help, or save others. She says that offering help is essential when one can, but when it’s stealing one’s peace, it’s way too costly. Gakumba also explains that with emotional boundaries, one has to separate their feelings from others’ feelings. For instance, she notes that don’t feel pressured to explain your feelings to others about anything in your life if you’re not comfortable. “Let people around you understand what brings you joy, and peace. Sometimes you have to stick to your ‘no’—if you don’t want to be part of anything, a conversation, function, or go anywhere, then say it. If you don’t want to date someone, don’t try to hide what you want in the name of pleasing the other person. State it clearly if it’s friendship or a relationship that you want from the other person,” she states. Gakumba adds that intellectual boundaries refer to your thoughts, ideas, and curiosity, this requires respecting others ideas and opinions. “Even when you differ with others in opinion, allow yourself to be heard but don’t let your ideas be belittled or dismayed.” According to Psych Central, a mental health information platform, successfully introduce and set boundaries, it’s key to understand why they’re each important to you and how they will benefit your emotional well-being. The first step in having healthy boundaries in any situation is spending the time to explore what’s happening to you. If you don’t have many boundaries in place already, the prospect of introducing more might seem overwhelming, so build them up slowly. “Try keeping things consistent and steady. This helps to reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs, and it ensures those lines remain clearly established. For boundaries to have a strong foundation, you need to show yourself a bit of love.” Elizabeth Kayitesi, a lawyer, notes that boundaries are a form of self-care, you need to know how to implement them, just like how you diet, exercise and others. She is of the view that the way one wishes their boundaries to be respected, is the same way they must respect others’ boundaries, it is not one-way. Kayitesi adds that don’t stay silent when someone oversteps your boundaries. If you don’t pick up late night calls, or don’t entertain visitors that appear unannounced, or friends that use your things without your permission, and others, state that out boldly. She points out that you may consider setting boundaries if you’re in toxic relationships, openly share much about yourself even when unnecessary, go by others’ opinions and decisions, neglect taking care of yourself, fear disappointing others, fail to speak up when others hurt you, and please others.
