Showing yourself love doesn’t mean that you’re selfish. Experts define self-love as a means that you accept yourself fully, treat yourself with kindness and respect, and support your growth and wellness. You have probably seen people who try to search for love and care from somewhere else to feel content and valued, but in vain. Such people get disappointed because they lack the love from within, first. Social media has made it even worse as we believe life is perfect for other people, thus end up getting lost in comparison. Theodore Roosevelt is quoted to have said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” A lot of people are living fake lives on social media, so imagining how to be like them, will only leave you dissatisfied and unhappy. Yet joy can be created from the smallest of things and ways. Fielle Kampire, a businesswoman, is on the journey of discovering her worth. Dating a man who didn’t appreciate her and centered on her flaws for two years of the relationship, left her questioning her worth. “Seeking for love, attention, compliments and acceptance from my boyfriend by then, was like sitting for a hard exam. Not receiving the love I expected from him hurt my feelings and played with my confidence. There are some statements I expected to hear from him, but didn’t, such as, ‘you’re beautiful’, ‘I love you’, ‘you complete me’, ‘I am proud of you’, ‘you can make it’, and more,” she says, emotionally. “After sometime I realised I couldn’t depend on people for happiness and assurance. I started to find joy in the little things, like just gratitude,” she adds. Kampire says that she has redirected her focus and attention from waiting for approval and acceptance from people, to being grateful for the things that matter in her life—grateful for life, family, a job, great opportunities, good health, and much more. This has given her contentment. She explains that loving herself has come with doing the little things that make her happy, like getting simple treats for herself, travelling, making new friends, and doing what makes her happy. But most importantly, she has learned to close her ears to negativity and started surrounding herself with more positive people and those that support, and love her. Kampire explains that as simple as it sounds, self-care can be eating well, sleeping well, and dressing well. According to Women’s Health, if you’re looking to increase self-confidence, experts say it’s important to fill your calendar with activities that you enjoy and are good at. “Do more of the things you’re good at, if it’s yoga, pull up a flow on YouTube. If you’re a good driver, then drive more. Research shows that self-efficacy (the belief that you are good at something) and self-worth are linked, and the more you do things—small or big—that you are good at, the better you will feel about yourself.” Counsellor Irene Gakumba says that there is power in reading as people who spare time to read can testify to its impact, it opens up about topics that people have been questioning. She notes that books are full of wisdom, lessons, and can assist in personal development, and discovering oneself. Gakumba says that be easy with yourself, identify your flaws and seek means to overcome them, otherwise, overlooking them may create great damage to yourself and easily see yourself in a negative way—that way, you can’t see good in yourself. “Work on temper, jealousy, comparison, poor time management, anger, addiction, and much more. You will eventually be a better person. Discover your strengths as well, as this will empower you to believe in yourself,” she says. She also says to cut off stress by finding a solution because failure to do so, will ruin your self-love. “But also, you can feel good about yourself when you provide a helping hand to others, do so whenever you can.”
