A 2021 UN report analyzing results of Rapid Gender Assessment surveys on the impact of COVID-19 on violence against women in 13 countries shows that 45 percent of women reported that they or a woman they know has experienced a form of Violence Against Women (VAW) since the outbreak of Covid-19. The most affected are women aged between 18 and 49, who make up to 48 percent of women who are victims or know a woman who is a victim of a form of VAW. These results are not surprising, since other reports had already shown that violence against women is a serious cause of death and incapacity among women of reproductive age as cancer, and a greater cause of ill health than traffic accidents and malaria combined! Violence against women is another pandemic itself! The more vulnerable a woman is, the higher the risk to be sexually abused. For instance, rape has and is still used as a weapon of war and genocide. Women with a limited education background or who are financially struggling are at a higher risk to experience that form of violence. VAW is therefore not a result of “lust” as many believe, but a result of entitlement from power the abuser has over the victim at that moment. The victim is either a subordinate, drunk, young, looks physically disadvantaged, disabled, or unwitting, among other conditions. If one would ask any woman they know who is above 20 years of age, if she has ever been groped, raped, or if they survived a rape attempt, they would understand why four in ten women feel unsafe in public places, or why one in two women feel unsafe walking alone at night. The situation is so bad that we have almost made peace with it. We make victims believe that the abuse they went through could have been worse, that their abuser could have had a heart in them. From statements like “you are lucky he used a condom” to others like “that’s how men work, honey. Stop drinking in the company of men.” “Breaking the silence” I almost had a fight with a journalist two years ago when she said that women who take their husbands to court over battery are “inconsiderate”. Her argument was that their children may fail to get partners in the future because of the “shame” of having their father arrested over “something like that.” In our community where women are still encouraged to aspire for marriage and keep it, come what may, breaking the silence sometimes leads to questions like “why would you expose yourself like that. How will you get a husband?” For those who are already married, the first question you will likely be asked when you tell people your partner hit you will be “why?” It will get worse when you were having a fight, because what kind of woman raises their voice on their “umutware?” The standard of what abuse is and what it is not has been raised too high! For a reasonable number of families, until you die, you can handle it! It still shocks me that until now, people don’t even consider conjugal rape as abuse, among others, because “what else did she get married for?” When you suck all this violence in, you end up with a crown “strong woman”, miserable or dead! We are giving too many reasons to victims of abuse to not break the silence, at all. A couple of years ago, a beauty pageant contestant shared that she was defiled by a domestic worker when she was young. Social media did not even sympathize with her, because what kind of story was she advertising anyway? And this is exactly what victims of abuse go through. Someone will look at a victim of rape and ask “do you think she was a virgin?” As if once you have had sex once, you have opened the gates to everyone who cares to have sex with you! We need to remove the burden of shame from victims because what is left for the abusers? A jail sentence? I bet you will back out before you land one in jail. You will need to prove the unprovable. “Do not bathe after the incident, report immediately, don’t change clothes,” being the common phrases on how to maintain evidence. Although this is undoubtedly beneficial, what if I actually bathe, wear my makeup and report in a year or two? Don’t I deserve justice too? I know some may tell me to go ahead and do it myself, but the available evidence technology does not do enough for victims of sex assault. Why should one report if their case wouldn’t even make it to court? I hope the pressure from suspects is understood when they threaten to “sue for defamation” or shame the victims that they can get every woman they want, “you are not even that good looking, you know!” The victim ends up a “slut” whose mission is to “bring men down”. As we encourage victims to break the silence, let us not only listen to them. Let us go further and protect them from threats, help them get justice, and help them through their healing process. Most of all, they must not know what shame looks like. They should know honor and dignity, because they deserve it.
