As human beings, we are naturally curious, and when two people are in a relationship, they need to know if the person they are with is on the same page—that is why suspicion may arise when one starts acting weird. To calm their overthinking mind, they may feel the need to go through another’s phone to see who they are texting or calling, whose pictures they like on social media, or who they are sending pictures to, among other things. “Some couples share passwords to show that they trust each other. And it is okay to do that but it’s not okay to go through someone’s phone. People who go into their partner’s phone are often insecure and it doesn’t help in the long run,” says Innocent Kabera, a relationship, and family counsellor. He adds that people sometimes confuse privacy and trust; giving your partner your password to prove that you are trustworthy is lying to yourself and trying hard to validate your trust. “It is not a good thing, it causes fights and heartbreak, and you can check his phone feeling like you need answers but then end up hurting your feelings and also destroying the relationship. If he is cheating on you, you will find out sooner or later, so going through his phone is really pointless,” says Louise Hoziana. Nancy Umuringawase, a resident in Kigali, also believes it can create unnecessary fights, saying that solutions won’t be found in another’s phone. “It is not my business to go through her phone because I trust her, and why would you want to ruin your mood anyway,” says Dave Asifiwe. “Whatever your partner will read or see will be defined in their own terms, which will create problems. Before you pick their phone ask yourself, what if it was the other way around? What if I find nothing in the phone how will I feel? What if I find something?” Kabera says. Marie Josee Ishimwe also says that everyone has a personal life and invading it is a lack of respect, it will only cause problems for you and put the relationship at risk. Lack of trust/unresolved trust issues “A good relationship is about trusting one another. Going through your partner’s phone will ruin your relationship. If you feel like that is the only way to validate trust, it is better to first work on your trust issues,” says Didier Honore Abimana, a student at Mount Kenya University. “I have never gone through her phone, I trust that if she had something to tell me she would and not hide, we can sit and have a serious talk about the relationship,” says Frank Ntarindwa. Poor communication “If I want to know why he is acting suspicious I simply communicate, and if he happens to go through my phone I will also ask why he would feel the need to go through it. Going through someone’s phone comes from poor communication and suspicious behaviour, simply communicate and it will make things better,” says Hoziana. Kabera adds that if you feel insecure, or are suspicious about something, talk to your partner instead of snooping.
