Being blackmailed by a stranger who somehow has in their possession photos or a video of you naked can be a frustrating and bothersome experience. Now imagine being exposed by someone you previously trusted? Having your nudes leaked, without question, is upsetting and stressful. Many women have had visuals used against them by ex-lovers, friends, and even phone thieves. Tiwa Savage, a Nigerian singer, songwriter, and actress, previously had to deal with a similar issue. The well-known singer can be easily identified in a sex tape that was shared by an unknown person, not her partner. Tiwa said that she was being blackmailed by an unknown person who threatened to release a sex tape with her and her current lover during an interview with American OAP Angie Martinez of Power. This sparked a lot of debate on social media, with some blaming her and others blaming the individual who posted it. But why do women take and send naked pictures? “It’s probably because the guy requested it, or it’s just another way to be intimate with your partner,” says Ave Marie Gashagaza. “It also develops a bond between you and demonstrates how much you trust your lover.” But what if they chose to break your trust by exposing you? “That is why I believe the guilt lies with the guy who is untrustworthy, not the girl being blackmailed,” Gashagaza argues. But, given how difficult it is to tell if someone is trustworthy or not, isn’t it safer to take precaution before sending someone nude photos? “Sexting naked or suggestive photos to a partner is pretty common these days. But why people sext explicit pics isn’t always discussed. Of course, the obvious reason is to heat things up when you’re not physically in the same place as your partner,” writes Samantha Lauriello in her article ‘Women Reveal the Real Reasons They Text Naked Photos of Themselves’. There is a way to send nudes or record the video without placing yourself, says a Kigali resident who asked for anonymity. “Without your face, everything else may be of someone else,” she explains. While it is not appropriate to draw a conclusion about whether it is acceptable to send or capture any photograph or video that could be used as evidence in a blackmail case, in her piece, “Planning to create a sex-tape? Here are some things to keep an eye out for”, Glynda Alves, a reporter for The Economic Times, offers tips; ● Don’t do it: The first rule is to not do anything at all; that way, no matter what occurs after that, you will be safe. ● Trust: At the very least, one must ensure that they fully trust their partner. ● Immediate delete: Do not keep the video or pictures once they have been taken, since this will prevent them from being used for other unfavourable purposes later. ● Face off: It’s best to keep the faces hidden so that if word gets out, you can deny it’s you and maintain your reputation. ● Delete once relationship ends: It would be wise for both of you to delete anything that could trigger prejudice in order to give yourself and your ex-partner a peace of mind. It’s also a good idea to prevent childish vengeance by smearing your ex’s reputation after you’ve broken up. Above all, one should trust his or her instincts. Why would you willingly put something there that could harm you? While it may be too late for some to not send or record, we could take a moment to reflect before sending or recording in the future. However, if something happens and someone is blackmailing you, report it to the police; it is a violation that could result in jail time. The article ‘Reasons Why You Should Never Send Nudes, No Matter How Much He Insists’ gives reasons why you shouldn’t do this: You care about your future: Let’s say that you really care about your future and that someday you expect to be a respected and important person in the company in which you might be working. If your nudes somehow become public, it is really hard to erase them from other people’s minds, so your future might turn into a big battle of regret and moving on. ● It’s about respect: If you don’t feel comfortable doing it, but he is insisting on you doing so, it means he doesn’t respect you. And you sure as hell deserve to be appreciated and respected, right? So, why would you go out of your way to do something that you don’t really want to do in the first place? ● Chances are that you will break up: Let’s say that you’ve sent a couple of nudes to your boyfriend, and now you’re about to break up. The first thing that would come to your mind is the collection of your nudes on his phone and how to get rid of them. Well, you could get rid of them only if you stole his phone which is not really reasonable or doable, or is it? ● The Internet is a dangerous place: Yup. If somehow your nudes end up on the Internet, it is just a matter of time when someone from your close people, friends or family will see them. And this is probably the last thing to be worried about. The Internet is really a dangerous place where people can easily find your identity and even threaten to publish your nudes if you don’t do something they want you to do. ● You are worth the wait: Remember that you’re worth the wait (especially if you’re having doubts about doing it). Any guy who gives you ultimatums regarding this is a douchebag, and you shouldn’t waste your time on him. You’re worthy of being with someone who will appreciate your choices and who will not have problems waiting to see your body in person instead of a selfie.
