Call them ‘situationships’ or friends with benefits; casual relationships have become common on the dating scene. Perceptions and expectations have been transformed and dating is no longer purposed for commitment or marriage, as it normally was in the past. Though distinct in certain ways, casual dating, ‘hooking up’ or friends with benefits are somewhat related concepts. They are all centred on a lack of commitment for a serious or long-term relationship. The rules of dating have changed so much in the last 20 years that it’s questionable whether “dating” itself even exists anymore. Younger people today practice ‘casual dating,’ blurring the lines between conducting a relationship and merely hooking up, writes Author John Donegan. He proceeds with an observation that most dates now are arranged online. We often know where we’re going, what we’re eating, and whose place we’re going back to afterwards. Apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble expedite this whole process without the growing pains associated with actually kindling a relationship. And even if we meet in person, who says we have to date? For those who grew up in an era without smartphones, this might be seen as deplorable, yet for modern lovers, it’s simply the norm.But is it a healthy habit? Counsellor Robinah Ziwa shares that while most people enter into such relationships without commitment, some find it hard to keep it that way and in the long run face disappointment. “In the long run it may become hard to prevent emotional attachment. When this happens, the person becoming attached to the relationship is bound to be disappointed. When the other partner doesn’t feel the same way, a person may feel used and embarrassed. They may start regretting which may later cause depression,” she says. The counsellor is of the view that some people, especially the young generation, opt for such relationships in hopes of enjoying the perks that come with dating without the challenging parts of growing a long-term partnership. “They want the companionship but are afraid of commitment. This may seem like the easier choice but it has consequences. Feelings are bound to be hurt.” Donegan quotes research that indicates that casual dating is not healthy and that the norm may actually affect your long-term dating behaviour for the worse. “It appears that on average, the positive lessons that are learned from previous relationship experiences are likely being overwhelmed by the negative carryover, especially in regard to relationship attitudes and relationship stability.” Fiona Tumukunde, a hotel attendant, says though casual dating comes without the complex details of forming serious relationships, its menaces are way heavier. “Often times a person feels remorse for making such choices. It’s demeaning to give yourself to someone only for the pleasure of it. Young people may see this as trendy, but casual dating comes with consequences that affect future relationships,” she says. Ian Kalule, an accounts officer, agrees with Tumukunde saying that some people opt for non-committed relationships because of self-esteem issues. For a person to believe that they deserve less and only choose to keep a relationship on a physical level is a sign of deeper emotional issues. He thinks such people are either afraid of getting hurt or believe less of themselves to be deserving of a full loving relationship. “When a person casually dates you, they are basically telling you ‘I only like you enough to hang out with you but cannot have a serious relationship with you,’ how peculiar!” It’s not news that casual and traditional dating are different. Casual dating indeed has its immediate physical benefits, its novelty, but it also fails to provide the emotional benefits one could only get from building a connection with another person. As technology continues to provide new frictionless ways of asking each other out, we have a choice; make a conscious effort to seek an emotional connection within others, Donegan writes.
