Introverts tend to avoid interacting or social dealings all together. Being the type that is reserved, such people never seek special attention and would rather keep to themselves. But humans—introvert or not—are social beings that need relations with close friends and associates in one way or another. This is where it becomes challenging. Jenn Granneman, the founder of Introvert Dear, quotes Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength, comparing extroverts to hotels and introverts to luxury suites. Extroverts can accommodate a large number of interactions that come and go, while for introverts, bookings are limited. She explains that when making friends, introverts are looking for friends who truly ‘get’ them. “The ultra-chatty extrovert who parties every weekend probably won’t be an introvert’s best friend. We are looking for people who understand our introversion, who can go deep, who run at our speed.” Jose Uwamahoro a university student, says as an introvert, she understands that making friends is not easy mostly because introverted people rarely speak or form relationships for the sake of it. They look for meaning, which means small talk is a no-go area for them, yet this is how people make new friends, she says. She considers it easy for such people to instead engage themselves in groups or events that interest them. These could be book clubs or movements for saving nature, such can be good to meet people with common interests. Another way to form friendships, according to Enock Mutabazi, is practising socialising. The best way to overcome a challenge is by facing it, he says. “If you want to make friends, you need to improve your ability to interact with others. The best way to do this is to try your level best to meet new people, and most importantly be willing to interact with them, even those you don’t know,” he says. Granneman, on the other hand, is of the view that if you want to add some new faces to your inner circle, you don’t necessarily have to head to the nearest party or networking event. Chances are there are already people in your life who you would like to get to know better. Someone interesting, someone like-minded. So start by taking inventory of your acquaintances—that new person at work, a friendly neighbour, someone in your writers group whose work you admire. Identify one or two of these people to reach out to. Granneman also encourages introverts to go ahead and make the first move. Many introverts wait for others to come to them. Having survived our share of awkward interactions, we may worry about rejection. “What if I ask her to get coffee and she says no?” Or worse, “What if he gets to know me better and doesn’t like who I am?” The process of making new friends can fill anyone with self-doubt, even the most confident among us. And if you’re an introvert who has experienced significant rejection (as many of us have), you may feel like simply giving up, she writes. Granneman also highlights the relevance of asking questions. Inevitably, when we meet new people, we have to do what every introvert dreads: talk about ourselves. Often, this is enough to stop a blossoming friendship in its tracks, she notes. However, she adds, the conversation doesn’t have to be all about you. Introverts have a superpower; listening. So get the other person talking by asking them questions: “What’s new in your life?” “What’s something you’ve learned recently?” “If you could have any career you wanted, what would it be? Why?” Listening takes the spotlight off you, and most non-introverts love to talk about their favourite subject: themselves.
