The days after Felix Kayihura had his son were a blur. As he alternated between taking care of his son and nursing wife, he was on the other hand struggling to cope with the changes in his life. Despite the challenges thrust upon him, he was nonetheless excited about this new role as a father. He was now a dad and he was very proud of it. Parenting, according to him, is both a challenging and thrilling journey. “You never know what is coming next. But you need to be prepared and flexible as well, because what I have learnt is that children are so unpredictable. As a father, I know I have to provide for my children but I have to be emotionally stable and available for them,” he says. Transition to fatherhood can be one of the most difficult, yet rewarding journeys, for a number of fathers declare that this phase certainly shapes their lives in ways that are both indescribable and invaluable. According to Remy Kalisa, a father, being a dad requires more than fathering children. It calls for assuming responsibility for those you give birth to, providing, caring and being there for them always in all conditions. He says though he became a father at a young age, he had to adjust in order to fulfil his responsibilities as a parent. “I knew that my partner and child needed me to be there and I had to. To me, parenting my children wasn’t a point of discussion. I had to work hard in order to provide for them, I had to see what was needed for us to have a better life together,” he shares. He says his commitment from the start made him become a responsible parent and that his role as a father is what has kept him in line with his goals in life. “Yes there have been challenges, there is a lot of sacrifice, for example, there are opportunities you decline just because you can’t divide yourself to attend to so many things at a go. You ask yourself if pursuing that opportunity will take away the time you give to your children. Whatever you do, as a father, you put your family first because it all comes back to ensuring that nothing happens to your family without your watch,” Kalisa says. He observes that today, there are so many templates on parenting that people have developed over time, and these contradict with the old ways of parenting. For example, parents nowadays are advised not to spank their children but instead talk to them. “As a person, I see the good side in these new models of parenting but they have empowered children in an extreme way. As parents, we shouldn’t embrace it all but pick out ways we believe can help us raise our children better,” Kalisa advises. Laban Bizimungu, a father-of-one, says when it comes to fatherhood, one has to be vigilant. Parenting, especially in this era, calls for scrutiny. “You have to be so many things at once, you have to be kind yet tough when the need arises otherwise you don’t want your children to be disorderly.” On his parenting journey, he says he has encountered very many obstacles but what has helped him deal with it all is the love he has for his family. “As a father, you always face challenges but loving your family is the only possible way to handle these challenges,” he says. Lessons learnt For Richard Ntare, being a father is the best feeling ever. He says it has in so many ways changed the way he looks at life. “Knowing that there is someone you’re taking care of, you love to make them a better person by giving the best you can offer,” he says. Kalisa recalls that when he was still a young parent, he lacked patience. “When I wanted certain values in a child, I would teach them and thought the children had to learn them immediately after teaching them. But this wasn’t the case and it would frustrate me, but I had to adjust over time. So, parenting has taught me to be patient and to let children learn freely not on pressure, children learn faster when they are not under pressure.” He also adds that he understood the relevance of understanding children for who they are, knowing their personalities and handling them accordingly. “Knowing a child goes down to personality and character, this is the best tool for parenting for it allows you to handle them accordingly.”
