Teen mothers and their fathers were last week brought together in a training that aimed at discussing the role of parents, particularly the father, in the fight against gender based violence and strategies to curb teen pregnancies. Their interaction mirrored a community that was overcoming stereotypes that once held back promotion of positive masculinity and peaceful cohabitation in families and/or communities. Reflecting on these challenges together, as children and their parents, echoed an advancing society where fathers embraced their “aggrieved” daughters other than disowning them, as it was the norm in recent years. This forum was a wrap-up of a three-day dialogue involving teenage mothers and their male parents. During the forum, which was organised by Health Development Initiative (HDI) as part of the efforts to tackle stigma and violence towards teen mothers, participants reflected on how father were reluctant to openly discuss with their daughters (teen mothers) about sexuality or reproductive health issues in general. Ciriac Munyagatare, a father and resident of Bumbogo sector in Gasabo District applauds such initiatives, explaining that a lot has been shared in terms of challenges faced by young girls. He said that the forum opened their eyes on what really happens and how best they should handle such situations when their daughters are faced with such misfortunes. “It is helping us as men, enlightening us on so many aspects that we didn’t know. We no longer jump to conclusions but seek to understand and help our children to be the best version of themselves no matter what happens,” he says. He advises other men and fathers to be the rock of their families and communities. “Be close to those who have been hurt and talk to them, help them instead of chastising them away because this only makes matters worse.” 19-year-old Aline Isimbi was among the teen mothers who participated in the training. She has a one-year-old child and because of lack of financial means, she had to drop out of school after giving birth. This was at first very challenging for her; being out of school when her peers were studying and nursing a child when she was still a child herself. However, she says that this is slowly changing now that she has the confidence to pick up the pieces of her life. “I have learnt a lot through this training, we have been guided on how to keep away from such temptations such that we don’t fall into the same trap,” she says. Isimbi says she now has hope that she can build a good life for her and her child. This is why she says she is looking for a job, and also hopes to go back to school in case she finds the means to do so. Impact Aaron Clevis Mbembe Associate Director of Policy and Advocacy Institute at HDI, says they started investing into mobilising or involving male parents in responding to violence and teenage pregnancy after realising the relevance of male engagement in fighting violence and curbing teen pregnancy. Mbembe reveals that when these young girls are pregnant, they face much of the violence from their fathers who are ‘ashamed’ of their daughters who gave of birth. “They start harassing these young women and discriminating against them, which leads to stigma and other harms in regards to these young women. That’s why we decided to open up a conversation where fathers would meet these teen mothers to discuss about issues that are affecting their family including the issue of teenage pregnancy,” he says. During these dialogues, Mbembe says their mission is for fathers to have space where they can open up and share their frustrations in regards to the issue of teenage pregnancy and for these young women to share their issues they are facing as well. On the first day, young women discussed their problems but also trained on a number of topics such as family planning, children’s rights and human reproductive health. On the second day, fathers were invited to discuss issues they are facing, the root causes of their frustration, their role in preventing teenage pregnancies how they can be responsive in case it happens. The third day saw parents and these young mothers come together to have a dialogue on what should be the goal of male parents to fight child defilement or any violence against children and to prevent teenage pregnancies. These meetings were successful according to Mbembe, for they were able to document immediate results after the training. “There are two factors that have helped us obtain good results. Yes, they are males and sometimes they feel offended or ashamed by the fact that their girls are pregnant but at the end, they are parents who hope and wish the best for their girls,” Mbembe says. “Sometimes because of ignorance, when a girl is pregnant, they feel like it is the end of life and they can no longer invest in the wellbeing of that girl. But this was our focus, we showed them that it’s not the end and there is a way they can support these young women.” He reveals that one of the good outcomes of this training is the recognition of their failures as parents, especially male parents about their failure to protect their children from teenage pregnancy. “We informed them of the ways they could support them by for example openly talking about sexuality and reproductive health, allowing their children to access and use contraception and, family planning, and other SRHR available services. They understood and recognised that if they were aware of this, they would have been able to protect their girls.” Fathers were also courageous enough to request for forgiveness from their young girls for the mistreatment, failure to protect and support them as they should have, and from then, they committed to change and be closer to their children, listen to them and support them as much as they can. HDI plans to continue supporting these families through follow ups and visitations to ensure that there is impact and improvement. The training was done in Kicukiro and Gasabo Districts as a pilot phase but plans are underway to carry out similar trainings in other districts.
