When we were growing up, there were all sorts of people in the untouchable category in the village; these characters enjoyed all privileges from whoever they contacted. There was a one “Kikooti”, his fame had spread through out the many parishes (call them mirenges, though not like that one of ELECTROGAZ. This guy offered his services to not only the Africans but also to the Zunguzi. One of the Zunguzi said to frequent Kikooti’s “laboratory”, was a one Ramsbottom (RIP) a.k.a Kakono (kaboko). Ramsbottom earned the “Kakono” name from the fact that, despite his huge British build, one of his hands was relatively short when compared to the other versus his trunk -like build. Ok, we may say that, he was a sort of a “cripple” though not able to be disabled by his physiological condition. Much as he detested the nickname, he had learnt to amicably live with it. It was much better and even polite to be called “shorthand” (what his nickname meant), than being called by the actual translation of his English name, Ramsbottom (this sounded like “the behind of a he sheep)! This was the first Mzungu I knew to practice the so called “African Chemistry”. Several years later, I came to learn that, even the Zunguzi have witchdoctors who are fellow zunguzi! The misconception was drawn from the fact that, the white missionaries brought us Christianity, they preached to us that, Jesus was white and hence, since he was a son of God, God must have been a white himself. They portrayed hell, the devil and all associated evils as dark (read black). This tended to mislead us into thinking or, is it believing that, all whites are Christians and sons of God, far from it! While at St. Leo’s College (SLECK), a genius student had coned the term “African Chemistry” to denote that “science” where African had “technologically developed to such a leap as to “develop” a remote control system, a system much more advanced than what the likes of Sony or Hitachi Corporations of Japan ever developed. Don’t begin murmuring to yourself, what I say is real truth, ever seen a TV or Radio remote control that can make its effect felt in a distance of just a hundred meters? Of course not, may be they are yet to develop it! Africans have developed one that can, not only turn off a TV set but also be able to switch of the heart of the TV set owner even if he is located on the other face of this planet earth. Initially, I never believed in this talk of “African chemistry” until I came face to face with a guy who was being remotely controlled by the agents of this “science”. There is this guy I will call Musa, Musa is a renowned trader, he has traversed the world several times, the East African sub-region id like the back of his palm. Some sources say that, he lived in Tanzania, Bukoba to be precise. In East Africa, people from Bukoba are feared for their “African Chemistry”, lets just call it “Juju” (though this name is predominantly used in Nigeria and other West African states). As earlier said, Musa being an active business man, of recent, his travels have taken him to Dubai; yes, Dubai where money flows along city alleyways just like sewerage flows through the “ruhurura” down to Nyabugogo swamp. This gentleman boasts of a number shops selling or dealing in mobile phones and their accessories. If you want to buy a phone, the chances are on in twenty that, the shop you go to belongs to Musa or one of his agents. Word has it that, on one of his recent trips to Dubai, some smart chaps beat him to the draw and made off with a couple of hundreds of his mobile phones before he could pay any taxes on them. The grapevine has it that, Musa was overheard boasting that, the thieves will bring those phones to his shop intact! A couple of days after the phones were stolen; one chap called Rafiki was arrested at Nyabugogo while he was selling some mobile phones. It is said that, this chap was in a massive marketing campaign to “kuranguza” (wholesale) the phones to a dealer. When he went to Nyabugogo, he asked some shopkeeper as to who is the best mobile phone dealer around Nyabugogo; he was directed to Musa’s shop. He went ahead to visit Musa and they agreed that Musa would buy all the phones at a wholesale price. Unknowingly, Rafiki was dealing with the actual owner of the merchandise he was selling off. Quietly, Musa sent for the Police and the seller was nabbed. He ended up revealing the “actual” owner of the goods. If this isn’t testimony enough that “Juju ” works, try else where for a better proof. Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm
