James Corden is an inoffensive, sufficiently amusing, blonde, smiley potato of a man regularly found on YouTube hosting that series of clips called ‘Carpool Karaoke’, itself a segment of his TV show. In ‘Carpool Karaoke’ he pretends he is picking up a celebrity to share a lift to work and, during the ride, all of which is filmed, they sing along to the celebrity’s music while sharing sweet, gentle, funny talk show banter. It is very nice to consume. Very relaxing. Like milk tea in the evening. How on earth would this breed any controversy that I would have to come here to explain? Well, the other week, he filmed a ‘Carpool Karaoke’ with Justin Bieber. No, the controversy is not that such a sweet, innocent man was subjected to Justin Bieber, or that Bieber, with all his charges for DUI’s and illegal street racing — and let’s not forget that photo of him driving without a seatbelt AND TEXTING at the same time even after all the community service the little piece of rat droppings has had to do, was actually allowed on the road again. It’s okay. He wasn’t driving the car this time. I know. Phew. Someone saw the shooting of that episode in progress and took photos which revealed that Corden’s car was mounted on a towing system. Which means Corden was not really driving. Fake! He is a liar! Forget Trump, America must impeach James Corden! He later came out to apologise, in a way, for misleading us so callously. He did not apologise for pretending to be caught in traffic every single week and pretending that he has to call on whichever celebrity musician is available to carpool with him. But he did apologise for just pretending to drive when it was Justin Bieber in the car. Corden said that when the producers think it will be too dangerous, they don’t let him drive, they tow the car and pretend. I guess we could understand. Mixing Bieber with cars is certifiably dangerous. Ask the courts. But that is not enough to assuage us, outraged masses. We should be angrier. The controversy should be the fact that Corden, in addressing the matter, admitted that at other times, when he does ‘Carpool Karaoke’, he is actually driving that car among human beings in real-life traffic. This would be more distressing because you should know how dangerous driving is: you are pushing tonnes of metal forward at a velocity where any impact with a human being will very likely break bones. No one ever intends or expects to cause an accident. So if you don’t intend or expect to cause an accident, you are already the type of person who causes an accident. That’s how dangerous driving is. That’s why you need to pay attention to the road when you drive, Corden and others! You can’t be looking at your celebrity guest, tossing your head back to LOL vigorously at your Corden jokes, or shutting your eyes to scream the high notes when you happen to be riding with Celine Dion or Ariana Grande. If any of you have friends in Los Angeles, tell them to be extra vigilant in traffic, because any one of those big lumbering 4WDs on the road to CBS television studios could be carrying Corden and Cardi B, and he will swerve into their spine if they make the mistake of trying to cross just when Corden is singing that part where Cardi says “Moooooonemoooo”. Because at that moment he will take his hand off the wheel to do the finger-downward pointing rapper gesture and could lose control of the vehicle. But perhaps we should not be so alarmed. Even if Corden wants to insist on this delinquent behaviour, driving while being filmed is probably very safe. After all, you have to travel in a convoy of other vehicles carrying cameras and these are probably being driven by studio staff who have been instructed to make sure the shoot isn’t disrupted by any maimed pedestrians. Just as long as they don’t let Bieber take the wheel.
