Focus: To valiant and single ladies

Last weekend was a Valentine’s Day, and there are probably several single women out there who did not celebrate the day in a more traditional style (lovers’ day). Such women wonder why they have a problem interacting with decent men, despite their seemingly successful careers and refined manners. According to Patricia Umutoni, the reality is that a big percentage of men not only in Rwanda, fear approaching successful and momentous ladies. She also says that, such men would rather prefer indolent and unsuccessful women. The ones, they would treat like servants and easily step on their heads. Umutoni says that is nothing from the reality, “This is not a career success issue that intimidates, because any serious and brilliant man would wish to associate with a successful woman.” However, Anita emphasises that the problem is that on many occasions, single and successful women over 30 are often into stimulating conversation about work or some heady issue like marginalisation of women in third world countries. However, dare you bring up the topic of sex and you run the risk of being accused of harassment. She will quickly tell you how she got this far by distancing herself from men who failed to treat her with respect. Which, in this instance, means never allowing your eyes to drop below her chin level or under no circumstances implying that underneath the stern exterior resides a sensual woman. The notion is that to succeed in a male-dominated environment, the single woman must suppress her sensuality. Move male attention away from the fullness of the body and they have no choice but to pay attention to your intellect. This reminds me of a certain friend of mine who had to quit her job, instead of giving in to her boss who thought he could easily sexually abuse all his female employees. Hell!! I consider such women courageous and successful in life. Fortunately, there are many in Rwanda and across the world, the likes of former United States Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice. However, many people claim that the habit has something to do with a society and environment where such a woman was brought up from. Gone are the days when women were denied right of expression. Things have changed! Take a look at the Rwandan government. The issue of gender sensitivity is given due credibility, which gives girls and women a platform to compete with their male counterparts. Mary Mukabaranga is a single and successful lady. She always mentally challenges men and as a result many, though full of awe and respect for her, have shied from approaching her for a relationship. Her sense of reality is incredible. It must be a frustrating position to be in. She is so excessively concerned with perfection. According to Sigmund Freud, renowned as the father of modern psychology, such a personality type is compulsive, orderly, inflexible, meticulous, obedient to superiors and fussy, especially over food or time. Freud, also known for his theories of the unconscious mind and defence mechanism of repression says the habit is mostly identified in women in the over-30 age bracket. He says such women never want to be seen out of control, which is why the majority never touch alcohol. They are rigid about rules and regulations and tend to adopt traditional roles, and that when it comes to relationships, they tend to hold back their feelings. This could also mean that such ladies expect perfection or something close to it in a man. Men should therefore not lose out on such a woman but should be real men and make a gentlemanly advance. You might be rejected but you need to make that first step in order to find that out too. For the single successful lady, you don’t have to go for anything lower than your expectations just to fulfil societal expectations. You should however leave some ‘exit’ room. Contact: lindaonly2005@yahoo.com