Impressions: Caution: Don’t Read

Hello Friends, if you have better things to do, don’t waste time reading this piece. It basically has nothing to offer. This is because I literally have nothing to ramble about in my mind. Ever since I wrote to my Grandma Sarah Obama last week, I have been waiting for the reply and I thought this Sunday we would actually be talking about her response and my next stop, Kogelo. For all this time I have been busy packing my bags and thinking of tendering in my resignation to join my family of the Obama’s to start a new life, a life with a very heavy influence of American lifestyle. All week long I have been working on my accent and speech to make it more ‘Obamish’. You know the kind of speech punctuated by ‘I wanna’ ‘We gotta’ ‘We was’….ya right, that’s so American, ain’t it? I now wear my t-shirts and caps like 50 Cent’s and my trousers like Lil’ Wayne (Like they will drop the next second) and I have also tuned my taste buds to make them more adaptive to Chicken Pies, Pizzas and all that Junk stuff from MacDonald’s. All this time, I have been trying to personalise the American lifestyle because I don’t wanna be caught off guard, I got to get ready as I wait for that one call from the Oval office that will change my life forever. Meanwhile in my dreams (who says I should not dream? Even Obama dreamt first), my Editor comes in and he wants this week’s piece with immediate effect or else am F***D (FIRED, no pun intended, I just hate writing this word). (Ed. Note: I just looked at him. That was his translation of the…look). Before I could be shown the exit, I panicked asking my workmates to give me some possible areas where my mind could restart (I mean I was all lost in the American Dream) rambling. I won’t mention them (workmates) but below are some of the ideas they gave me and my responses. On FDLR: Imagine, how can my mind start rambling on these notorious fellows hiding deep in the Jungles of DRC? Unless of course if am part of them. That thought alone would trigger the joint forces to extinguish me in seconds before I even fulfil my American dream. On Gorillas: No brother, I can’t be rambling about these poor chaps. I can only sympathise with them for enduring the harsh weather in Virunga Mountains and still mint millions of dollars for the country. On Jesus: Jeez…Jesus? No please, not in Rambling Mind, am gonna have to start something like ‘Sunday Sermon with Pastor Eddie (Did you see this Mr. Editor?) Can I hear a Amen? On Rwandan Musicians: Quite a good idea! I will need a full article to breakdown our upcoming Musicians and how to be one, but that’s for another day. That’s when I realised I really had nothing to write about. On Obama: Not again please. Contact: kagire_eddie@yahoo.com