The Cell Phone: Liar and Thief

I swear I’m going to throw away my cell phone. I have discovered that it can be an agent of the devil by encouraging lying. And as you know, liars are children of the devil and God help me if I become one of those. On top of this, it’s a thief. The other day I was in a taxi headed for town when this handsome and quite responsible looking man started talking to someone over the phone. The man told the person on the other side of the line that he was in Butare and, therefore, would not be able to meet the person that day in Kigali. The man gave a lame sorry and hung up after which he burst out into laughter with many fellow commuters joining in the laughter. People then started narrating their own experiences with the cell phone and how they have all used it to tell lies of all sizes. The cell phone is indeed the biggest liar under God’s earth I can assure you. It is also the biggest glutton ever, eating away the biggest chunk of people’s hard earned money. It has the biggest capacity to consume crisp francs in a matter of minutes. The amazing bit of it all is the willingness with which one digs deep into the pocket to get the francs and with a smile buy airtime only to sadly rest the phone when the credit dries up. There is always something to chat about, whether important or not doesn’t matter. The ear itches and the cell phone or is it cell phoney or telefone like the people here call it, is always willing to massage the itch, at a price of course. And the itch simply resurfaces a few minutes later. I also witnessed a woman tell all her life’s story in a taxi because she was fooled by the telefone to think that she had her privacy so she ranted on about her husband, children, in-laws, neighbours while the rest of us listened in awe. When she finally started talking about her bed matters, a neighbour elbowed her in the ribs. She gasped and gaped as if she had not all along known her physical location during her conversation on phone. It’s amazing what this little gadget can do. For someone to completely take leave of their senses you need to present something like a cell phone especially to the young Kigali girls. I’m, therefore, declaring a fast against the cell phone and a total abstinence campaign. Who says that one can only have abstinence from sex and fasting only on religious grounds? NO. I think it’s good to also carry out a fast from the cell phone so that it can be cleansed and the people who carry it can get their senses back. Abstinence from it will teach it to behave and curb its lying and thieving habits. How can it take 20 crisp red notes out of my pocket? Today! Just like that! I have to abstain and if it doesn’t work, I will simply throw it away. Well, the abstinence campaign lasted exactly two minutes as I saw my phone blinking alerting me that my boss needs to talk with me. I, of course, cannot afford to ignore such a call since I would end up having no red notes to talk about let alone dish out to the phone. That plan has backfired before it has even been launched so I have to hatch a new one. Kigali knows that I’m right but is yet to come up with a fit solution for this problem. So let me wait and see if some genius will come up with one. In the mean time, I will part time abstain, part time fast and part time throw it away. A friend of mine likes to say discipline rules in such a circumstance so I have harnessed my seatbelt with lots of discipline and I have decided to cover my itching ear with other things like music from the same cell phone. Unbelievable but true. Ends