I joined a Zumba/aerobics fitness class because I didn’t want my child to grow up and find me stuck with my almost embarrassing dance moves. Just kidding. I joined the fitness class because when I recently picked up the saxophone to try playing again after almost nine months of break, my jaws really hurt and I was almost out of breath on the first trial. When I told my husband about my aching jaws, his cheeky answer was, “I thought all that eating would be practice. We should buy you dry maize, and you chew to build up the muscles.” After I finished laughing at this rich joke, I opened my eyes to realise how much my favourite destination within the house any time of the day had become the fridge. My trips to the fridge keep on increasing and I seem to not be graduating from my pregnancy outfits! You think pregnancy hunger is bad? Breastfeeding hunger is like the latest updated version of all hunger. Only that this time, one can ignore the urge to eat – unlike pregnancy where hunger ends in you passing out. So dramatic. Anyway, after that serious joke, I got on the phone and called the gym. Their Zumba/ aerobics is so lit, even though for someone who had a baby less than 90 days ago, it seemed scary to lift my feet off the ground for the first time. The gym was stuffy though. It had a weird odour and when I lifted my nose in protest, my husband reminded me that I was not there for sweet scents but rather to add to the weird smell. So I calmed down very much. The exercises, though so much fun, clearly showed me how unfit I had become. I was gasping for air after each song. So, I decided that since heaven is the goal for us all anyway, I’d take a break. While I sat down, one of the coaches approached to ask if I was ok,ay and for some reason, I felt so guilty that I blurted out, “I just had a baby.” She told me to take it easy, and boy, did I feel validated. Also, while I took my not-so-short break, I noticed a kid who was on a trampoline in the back of the class, doing all the exercises as instructed. She was so good and made it look so easy – I developed some envy for her. In fact, during the song breaks, while everyone else scrambled for water and tried to catch their breath, the kid looked bored, probably fighting the urge to yawn because she wasn’t being challenged enough. There was a lady wearing shoes – those shoes with lights that dance when someone steps. I saw her and wondered what motivated her to buy these shoes. Does she fancy the lights or is she healing from a surgery or fracture and perhaps the dancing lights encourage her to keep going? Is it the case for everyone in this class? Are some of them jumping with caution, like me, so that their properly covered-up scars don’t rapture? At this very moment, I sobered up and realised that even though losing weight and feeling stronger is great, there is much more to life than that. Life is full of tests and challenges. Motherhood is one of them. Your body will change – stretch to horizons you won’t believe. In most cases, breastfeeding comes with its own hardship packages and changes. But instead of craving your pre-birth weight as a (new) mom, maybe you could instead remind yourself of the incredible job of birthing an entire human being that you did. If your body is keeping a little human alive and happy, it is enough. No. It’s exceeding expectations – so act like it. Giving life is more valuable than fitting into old clothes. The writer is Rwanda’s first female saxophonist.
