Along came Magufuli. And when he came, he wasted no time turning Tanzania upside down, cutting budgets left and right. Celebrations? Why celebrate when you can work? Christmas cards? For what? He has since inspired some rib-cracking memes. But more than that, he has inspired envy. Now we have some Africans pointing fingers at their heads of state, all the while ranting, “Why can’t you be more like him?” Before I continue, let me state for the record (and to avoid getting into a war of words with other Africans), that I’m happy for Tanzania. What their brand new commander-in-chief is doing is commendable. I’m only here to address the envious comparison that Magufuli is stirring among non-Tanzanians because the situation reminds me of my own love-life (before my love-life became extinct, that is). The first time I found myself pinned to the wall by comparison, I was twenty-two. I had just completed university. I was high on life, dreaming of all the ways I was going to change the world. Gandhi and Nelson Mandela would look down on me and smile. I had shared these dreams with my then boyfriend. And he had been supportive. Well, his support was in the form of verbal assurances and declarations about my ability to “be anything you want to be.” I think he was confident that once I was done with school, I would realize that I was completely crazy for wanting to follow my dreams. I didn’t come to this realization. And his tune changed. He wanted to get married soon and to someone who wasn’t ‘running around.’ By observation, he and his friends had come to some considerable level of financial success. Then they had married graduates and set up small businesses for them to run. Of course, the businesses were close to home and not in the least tasking. The graduates really were housewives if you think about it. The graduates had gladly settled for this kind of life. My boyfriend, clearly not knowing me, and without consulting me, had planned this out for me. I kicked him to the curb. I have since had zero tolerance for people who can’t seem to understand that life isn’t a one-size-fits all situation. So your friend’s girlfriend goes to his house and plays ‘wife’ every weekend while he is out with his boys and flirting with other girls? Good for him. But I’m not her. So your ex-girlfriend used to ‘shout on the rooftops’ on social media about her undying love for you. You hardly returned the favor but you claim that it’s the only way you know that a girl is committed to you. Well, you might as well just go back to her because not everyone wants to deal with the embarrassment of deleting photos and posts once love goes sour. Okay. The bottom line is that there is nothing wrong with wanting good things. But what I don’t condone is comparison. Comparing people is especially absurd because no two people are the same. I liken comparison in relationships to someone planting tomatoes and then on seeing their neighbor harvesting pumpkins, they say to the tomatoes, “Why aren’t you pumpkins?”
