I recently attended a wedding ceremony of one of my friends and in the same party was a powerful lady minister of Uganda. She was invited to give a speech and in Ugandan culture giving a speech goes with announcement of a marriage gift that would help the newly-wed couple build their family. The minister told the guests that indeed she had carried a gift. That of course, to the guests was not a surprise since it was expected. What usually the guests are interested in is the gift itself. What surprised the people however was her announcement that it belongs only to the groom. Guests became curious as you could hear murmurs of why she would give the groom alone yet gifts are supposed to benefit both the groom and the bride. As usual the gift was wrapped. She told the guests that her gift was a drum, complete with a pair of durable drum sticks. She went on to say that whenever he would get angry and felt like beating his wife, he should at such times, simply bring the drum out and beat it real hard till his anger- whatever the cause –was quenched. There was uproar and when it died, she explained that given the gender based violence that is getting out of hand in Uganda in particular and the world over in general, she could not rule out that the groom would turn violent. The reason being first is a Ugandan and second, is a man. The majority of the victims of gender based violence are women, girls and children. At least on a daily basis you can’t miss reading in the papers or watching TV and see a sad story that a husband has battered his wife to death, teacher has defiled his pupil, fathers have defiled their daughters etc. The other ugly side of the story that the media is reluctant to show is the sexual harassment at work places. Married or unmarried women are victims of their bosses because refusal to bow to their advances would put them at risk of losing their jobs. In the same vein, males are sometimes summarily dismissed on flimsy excuses to fix bosses’ girl friends. As a result most families have broken, children being the major victims have failed to enjoy a violence free environment and as a result, poverty reins in homes where peace and love thrived. Sometimes some couples stick together for the sake of their children but of course, you find husband and wife living in separate bedrooms. In fact a friend of mine told me that if you see a man and a woman in the same car laughing and chatting then know that they are not wife and husband. The way the society is structured affects human relationships (worker/employer). People feel particularly powerless if their specific situation is beyond their control. Take an example if they are unemployed, scrapping a living, working at unpleasant jobs at unpleasant hours etc, they become victims of oppression and exploitation. There are many scenarios that are really sad to recollect. The stories of child-marriages, child sacrifice are appalling and live with us. There is a story of a young lady who was impregnated by a lover and abandoned her completely and when she tried to plead for assistance the man poured boiling water all over her and fled. There was another sad story of a house girl who was gang –raped by criminals to the point of near death. Her entire system was badly damaged and left her to rot. These are few cases that can be brought to fore but what about deep down in our villages. Gender violence should be condemned and abhorred in the strongest terms possible and those responsible should be brought to book and dealt with to the strict letter of the law.
