Jeanette Akineza, an intern with a top law firm in Kigali, met a strikingly handsome young man, also an intern at the same organization. “He was tall, slender, light skinned and had curly hair, in short, he had that exotic look. I would have sacrificed anything just to talk to him but he was exceptionally reserved,” Akineza says. Her awe for him grew stronger every day that passed. She went as far as secretly checking out his Facebook page, downloaded his profile picture and saved it as her desktop wall paper so she could keep looking at him. “Then one day I accidently bumped into him at a local basket ball match. I gathered my confidence and introduced myself and soon we were talking. It was not long before I was disappointed; he was not only poor at the three common languages (Kinyarwanda, English and French) but also sounded idiotic. My crush was gone in a split second. I went back home and deleted his photo from my computer,” the intern says. Gaston Uwitwaye, 30, a student of psychology at Mt Kenya University is convinced that life is beyond physical looks. “It doesn’t matter how you look externally, your inner ability is what determines your fate,” Uwitwaye says. He adds that it’s wrong for parents to keep reminding their children that they are “beautiful”, as it may give them the impression that life is just about appearance. “I know complimenting children helps improve their self-esteem, but also over doing it can be destructive,” adds Uwitwaye. The psychology student mentions that it’s the reason some children inherit huge business empires from their parents but fail to sustain them because they were never taught real beauty - hard work. Doreen Umubyeyi, 40, a mother of two and director of Learn-tek, a local NGO that advocates for literacy, says that the whole issue of saying that it’s hard to find someone who strikes a balance between beauty, intelligence and great personality is a stereotype. “We have seen many big names, CEOs, directors and members of parliament who have striking appearances. And you know one can never assume that kind of position if they are not brainy,” says the mother of two. She remarks that attractive people are always at a disadvantage; whenever they work hard and assume a position genuinely; people still insist that their looks favoured them and whenever they fail just like any other, they are simply dismissed as “blonde”. Duncan Kabera, a restaurant owner based in Kimironko, seems to be okay with any of the attributes. “God gives us diverse survival mechanisms. An attractive person may survive through getting favours, and the other who is less good looking may be gifted with a great brain that helps them start and sustain enterprises for example,” the businessman says. He observes that usually it’s a win-win situation for either side; less attractive people are usually blessed with a hard working spirit and end up financially successful. And this is why most times; they end up marrying physically attractive people. Daima Kamashazi, director of Beto Enterprises, an agro-vet store based in Rwamagana, confesses that she was poorly bred. “I was satisfied with the way I looked, and was confident that this could get me wherever I wanted. Wearing make-up and participating in show-biz is all I did. Over time, my class performance declined and this is when I woke up.” “The biggest gift a parent can ever give their child is teaching them that in life they will always have to prove themselves,” she notes. Kamashazi adds that looks should just supplement a person’s other abilities. “That’s why many drop-dead beautiful girls fail at beauty pageants, it’s because the intellectual bit is absent,” says Kamashazi. She points out that many people with stunning looks are brilliant but reluctant to strive, convinced that everything will come on a silver platter since they are attractive, and that is always self-destructive. According to Augastine Rwamucyo, a retired lecturer based in Kanombe, it’s common to find people who carry both attributes. “For instance my wife is not only beautiful but also industrious. I was abroad for about 10 years for study and work but she managed to not only run the family business single handedly, but also raise our children,” Rwamucyo says. He adds that the problem with our society is idealized beauty. “Beauty has nothing to do with physical appearance; it’s how you feel about yourself or the reputation you create. It’s not uncommon to find cute people being victims of low self esteem.”
