One time during the riots in the land of Matooke the one and only Al-Shabaab hunter complained publicly about my brother in-law, the one and only Sebassajja Magulu Nyundo claiming that he had allegedly healed his leg and instead of thanking him, the sebassajja used the same leg to kick him in the…… Did I hear you asking how the Sebassajja became my in-law?

I swear I am not trying to force my way into royalty.  I am his in-law by virtue of being Rwandese, if you know wharram saying.

Well, I did not take the old man seriously then, but now the sense of the proverb has hit my face like a well aimed punch. Since this man started causing ripples in East African bird circles when he could not stop advancing in the Tusker Project Fame, my life has been a miserable one all through.

But then, I did not care much because I thought that this ‘did not matter’ (Christian’s words, not mine) because after all it was the Kenyan birds that were crazy about this guy hence it was not closer to home.

Vote, vote and vote! The campaigns started in earnest and so I started voting ‘Tusker 3’ and sending to 123, every day until it became like a habit. I did not have a problem with him because little did I know that by winning the Tusker fame, he would also win the hearts of all the birds in East Africa which of course includes the land of 1K hills.

Knowing that birds hate hunters who use foot-shubishi during their hunting missions, Numero Uno used the money he won to buy himself sleek wheels in the form of a new model golf convertible.

This has been attracting birds the way moths are attracted to light. Well I don’t blame them for being head over heels with Alpha because now he has everything.

The money, the looks and the stardom and the husky voice that captivated even Juliana – and of course the wheels.

But since he has messed with my life, I want to take things personal. I want him to renew my demands that he pays back all my airtime that I used to vote for him to win so he can ruin my life. The payment should include the airtime I sent to the birds who voted for him.

I have already contacted a lawyer friend who thinks that this case is very winnable. My timing is of course calculated because I am not about to take chances since Tusker Project season 4 is at the door already and who knows, another guy   from 1K hills might win it and it would be complicated dealing with two rich stars. One celebrity is already causing an unprecedented bird draught.

I don’t want to imagine what two would do. If my suit is successful, I will not worry about another son of the soil winning because I will have gotten Alpha out of the way. 

Ends