Before we get started, let’s first dispel some common misconceptions about Rwandans that are frequently held to be representative of the country’s culture: NO! Not all Rwandans are shy, reserved, introverted, only consume milk, and or are passive-aggressive.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, it is important to remember that a country’s cultural norms and practices frequently have a big impact on how we perceive individuals and what we believe to be polite or impolite. Therefore, if you encounter a less-than-pleasant situation while in another country, try not to take it personally. It’s just how things are done there; they’re not intentionally attempting to make your life more difficult because you’re a foreigner.

So let’s get started; here is a list of the seven biggest culture shocks that take some getting used to as a foreigner in Rwanda.

A great Rwandan tradition: Hospitality

Rwanda isn’t alone in having welcoming citizens, but it is definitely one of those countries where friendliness stands out. You’ll almost certainly be shocked when you notice how friendly strangers can be when you interact with them. As a result, you may find your cab driver or a person waiting in line with you at the bank attempting to make small talk as they complete their duties or wait their turn. However, there’s a fine line between friendliness and being obtrusive. Some of these encounters fall very far on the side of obtrusiveness as Rwandans tend to flood you with a myriad of questions on the very first interaction. If you’re one of those people, excessive nosiness doesn’t always mean goodwill, it means you have an ulterior motive.

Nicknames from practical strangers? Absolutely normal

Although some might find this disconcerting, I happen to be on the side of those who find this trait rather endearing. Being addressed as ‘Nadi’ or ‘Nana’ rather than the anticipated ‘Nadia’ has a certain sweetness to it. I initially assumed it was because, despite our barely existent relationship, the people who called me by these endearing nicknames simply considered me to be so very likable. Imagine my surprise when my Rwandan friend informed me that this is how they always address people! She explained that when they speak, they have this habit of shortening each other’s names. Where I come from, only family and very close acquaintances are comfortable enough to address you in this manner. I soon understood that what I had thought made me distinctive to the folks I met was actually just a cultural difference.

No room if you’re not Rwandan. Sorry, foreigners

Have you ever sat at a table with a handful of friends and still manage to feel alone and desperate to fit in? Since moving to Rwanda, I have experienced what it is truly like to live abroad because I typically have no idea what is happening around me. If you were successful in forming friendships in Rwanda, you must have realised by now that they cannot go more than a short while without speaking their language. When you’re all hanging out, they will have the grace to speak English for your benefit but will quickly switch back to their beloved Kinyarwanda after a few minutes. I’m beginning to think it is a byproduct of the social scene in this country. I nod in acquiescence whenever my Rwandese friends invite me to go with them on group outings. The truth is, I'd much prefer to stay in.

The staring phenomenon

The signature uncomfortable stares are no shock to people who have lived in the country for a while but can be slightly off-putting to newer residents. People aren’t afraid to stare right at you and they are not subtle about it. Because it's considered rude in many cultures around the world, staring can be upsetting. However, when this occurs in Rwanda, it is not intended to be disrespectful or judgmental. Just genuine curiosity. They share your curiosity about things like international fashion trends, technology, and other cultures’ social mores, how people behave in public, etc. when you travel and learn about other civilizations.

*Thinking (and failing) to come up with a nice way of telling a nation their cuisine is subpar*

If you’re reading this and are Rwandan, we both know that your cooking skills most likely take a nosedive once you get past the usual wash and place in the pot. I took the lack of explosive flavours in Rwandan cuisine very hard. I’m sure there are a lot of complicated emotions a person is allowed to feel when faced with disappointing food. Nevertheless, the concept of excellent cuisine doesn’t have a universal standard by which to judge it, and this is something that I had to quickly come to terms with. I can’t change the custom, but I can work to change how I react to it. Now, when I am asked how I’m enjoying my food, I simply reply, "It’s good.” A lie, but the truth helped no one. Other times, I turn down meal offers and just hope they don't mind if I just think about eating the food instead. As they say, "It's the thought that counts.”

Party or government personnel induction ceremony?

You have received an invitation to your first wedding in Rwanda. You are so excited that you fail to adequately research what to expect and assume that everything will be done the same way it is done at home. You proceed to spend an outrageous sum of money on a stunning ensemble, hair, and makeup. It’s your first Rwandan cultural event after all and you want to experience it in style. You arrive at the wedding reception expecting to have a great time, but you soon discover that you’re awkwardly overdressed, all eyes are on you, and speeches in Kinyarwanda make up 80% of the event. More than just the fact there is little or no groove, it is also necessary to mention that the event usually ends at around 9pm. If this were an isolated incident, it’d be fine. But the truth is this happens way too often. In places like Cameroon and Nigeria, the wedding receptions usually kick off at that time and don’t end until the early hours of the morning.

Other men may have failed Flirting 101, but Rwandan gents never even took the class

I once read an article in which women from Nigeria were criticising men from Rwanda for having poor game, and I have never agreed with a group of complete strangers more. Back when I was in the dating scene, I heard a lot of pretty horrible and cringe-inducing stories about Rwandan men’s flirting game. Sadly, I bear a few badges of honor from their moves myself. When you’re flirting with a Rwandan man, this is how the whole ordeal usually plays out—expect the least amount of effort possible. After texting a solitary "Hi”, that’s all they do for the rest of the week. Sure, they initiated the dialogue but the rest of the legwork is now your responsibility. Anticipate the uncomfortable stare throughout your dates, followed up by deeply personal questions. At times, the experience can be funny, but usually, it’s somewhat scary.

When I made the decision to move to Rwanda, I had a completely different picture of how things would pan out. A word of advice from a girl who’s been around the block a few times: don’t assume anything. Endeavour to carry out proper research before indulging in any activity.