Every year on 8 March, the gestures are familiar. The flowers arrive. The chocolate is passed around. The photographs are shared. But if we are honest with ourselves, the question worth asking is: How does any of that impact the lives of women?

There will be an individual, a group of people, or a corporate organisation sharing photographs of men giving women flowers and chocolate. The culture of gifting is one to be celebrated; kindness and appreciation are never out of place. But certain gestures, however well-intentioned, can quietly diminish the actual purpose of such an important day.

A day to reflect on women's rights

The 8th of March is a day to reflect on women's rights. It is our time to celebrate the changes that have been recorded, perhaps yes, but more importantly, it is a moment to honestly examine the forces that have held women back, and to correct course.

If we are willing to sit with the thought, what we will see is sobering data. At the current rate of progress, the pay gap between men and women will not be fully closed for another 134 years, according to the World Economic Forum's Global Gender Gap Report 2023. Some projections have placed this figure even higher. This is proof that progress is slower than some of us dare to believe.

Beyond the pay gap lies an even more invisible inequality. The care economy. Women perform three-quarters of the world's unpaid care work. Heavy tasks such as cooking, cleaning, raising children, nursing the elderly and the sick, holding families and communities together. Studies show that women in Rwanda spend an average of 3.7 hours per day on unpaid care, more than triple the time spent by men.

There is evident policy efforts in Rwanda to recognize, reduce, and redistribute the work. In July 2024, Rwanda revised its law to recognize unpaid care work in marital property, however, the labour by Rwandan women does not appear in national budget or factored into Rwanda's GDP. It is safe to say that without this (unrecognized) work that women perform on a daily basis, every formal economy on earth would collapse.

Based on this reality, to offer a woman chocolate on International Women's Day while her invisible labour continues to go unacknowledged, uncompensated, and uncounted is, at best, ironic. At worst, it is a distraction.

Harmful social and culture norms limit women

Real development (for both men and women) happens when women's rights are upheld. Not partially, not selectively, but fully. And central to those rights is the right of every woman to make informed choices about her own body, her own life, and her own future.

Harmful gender stereotypes, harmful social and cultural norms continue to constrain women's access to education, healthcare, economic opportunity, and public life. They begin early in the messages girls receive about what they are capable of, what roles are appropriate for them, and whose voices deserve to be heard. They persist into adulthood, in relationship, in marriage, in the distribution of household responsibilities, in hiring decisions and in who is taken seriously in a boardroom and who is not.

These are not abstract concerns or concepts. They are daily realities for millions of women across the African continent, including in Rwanda. They have direct, measurable economic consequences. When women are excluded or constrained, productivity falls, innovation stalls, and entire communities are deprived of the contributions those women could have made to make all our lives better.

Rwanda’s promise and responsibility

Rwanda is a country that has demonstrated extraordinary collective will. It has rebuilt itself from the ruins of one of history's most devastating tragedies, and in doing so, it has cultivated national consciousness rooted in dignity, resilience, and shared belonging for all Rwandans. In many areas, particularly political representation, Rwanda has set a standard that the rest of the world is still trying to reach.

But precisely because Rwanda has shown that transformation is possible, the responsibility to go further is greater, as none of us expects less. It is rooted in the belief that we deserve better.

We need to collectively ensure that women in Rwanda are free to make their own informed choices and to explore their full potential. Not just in theory and policy but in practice. That means continuing to challenge the cultural norms and social barriers that, even in a country of remarkable progress, still limit what a woman is expected to be, to do, and to become.

What women really need

There is a difference between being gender-sensitive and gender-transformative. Gender-sensitive approaches acknowledge inequality. Gender-transformative approaches dismantle inequality.

Transformative solutions do not ask women to fit into systems designed without them. They redesign the systems. They ask hard questions about who holds power, who makes decisions, whose labour is valued, and whose needs are reflected in policy and the implementation of the policy. They go beyond diversity quotas to create environments where women's leadership is not unnatural or exceptional but expected, as it is expected of men.

Rwanda has pioneered some of these solutions in areas such as land rights, in parliamentary representation, in financial inclusion. But there is no finish line in gender equality. Each generation inherits both the gains and the gaps of the one before it. The question is always: what will we add to the ledger to advance women rights? Surely, our addition cannot be a piece of chocolate and a bouquet of flowers on 8th of March!

What organizations should be doing

Instead of distributing chocolate and flowers to women in the workplace on International Women's Day, organisations should be doing something far more meaningful.

They should be asking how many women sit on their boards, and why not more. They should be reviewing their hiring, promotion, and salary practices with honest eyes. They should be designing policies that treat caregiving as a shared responsibility. They should be creating mentorship structures that open doors rather than decorate them.

Let women take their rightful place at the table and listen to what they say. Ask them what they need to live fulfilled, productive lives and explore their full potential. The answers might be uncomfortable. Naturally, as it will require us operating out of our comfort zones. Those answers, however, will determine our future collective quality of life.

Leave the roses for Valentine's Day

It is perhaps time to leave the bars of chocolate and the beautiful roses for Valentine's Day since it is designed for exactly that kind of tenderness and appreciation.

International Women's Day calls us to something harder and more urgent. We need to pause and examine how every decision we make, every day, either harms or uplifts women. In the policies we draft. In the meetings we convene. In the assumptions we carry. In the language we use. In the leaders we invest in. In the way we hold ourselves in our communities, in the way we raise our children, in the stories we tell them and the beliefs we hold.

Gender equality is not a women's issue. It is a human one. It is a Rwandan issue and it is, without question, an economic one.

So, this March, keep sharing kind gestures. But also show commitment. Decide in your workplace or your community that levels the playing field. Support a policy that protects women's rights. Call out individuals and entities that negatively affect women’s rights , educate where you can. Amplify a woman's voice in a room where it has been ignored or silenced.

That is the gift International Women's Day is asking for.

The author is a storyteller and marketing and communications professional.