Adopted as an infant and raised in Switzerland, Vanessa Niwemuhoza Meizoz has spent most of her life far from the country of her birth. Now 20, she is searching for answers about her origins, hoping to understand her identity and reconnect with her roots.

In this interview with The New Times, she shares what she knows about her abandonment, her adoption journey, and the questions that continue to shape her life.

Can you tell us about yourself today and what you are doing now?

My name is Vanessa. I live in Switzerland and I am 20 years old. I am currently studying for my Matura, the Swiss high school diploma. After that, I want to become a psychologist.

I live with my adoptive parents. I do a lot of sports, especially athletics. I love running. I also enjoy listening to music, dancing, and reading books, mainly because of my studies.

What do you know about how you were found in Kigali?

It is said that my mother left me by the side of the road, but I am not sure. I have no information about her. What I do know is that I was found on February 24, 2006, at around 10 p.m., by three people—Jean-Baptiste Gahamanyi, Spéciose Mukarwema, and Alphonsine Uwimana in the Muhima area of Nyarugenge District.

I was wearing a red dress and I was five months old. The authorities gave me the name Vanessa Niwemuhoza because I cried a lot. On the same day, I was placed at the Home of Hope orphanage run by the Missionaries of Charity of Kigali.

Do you remember your time at the orphanage?

No, I don’t have any memories from that time. I was too young. My adoptive mother later told me a few stories. She said that I always had a pink toy pig in my hand and that I liked books.

Sister Gracias met my adoptive mother in front of the orphanage during their first meeting. On November 21, 2007, I left the orphanage and travelled to Switzerland.

How did the adoption process and your move to Switzerland unfold?

There were some problems with the final paperwork before leaving for Switzerland. My adoptive mother needed help to complete my file correctly, but with perseverance, she managed to get all the required documents.

As a child, I felt comfortable because I didn’t really notice the cultural differences. I felt at home. My adoptive parents loved me immediately and gave me everything I needed. I had a wonderful childhood full of memories, and they were always there for me.

When did you first learn that you were adopted?

I learned that I was adopted when I was still very young. My parents never hid that reality from me.

What was it like growing up in Switzerland?

Growing up with a white family was not easy. I didn’t look like them, and I often felt alone when I was with my extended family. They tried to understand me, but they didn’t always understand what I felt or what I was going through.

You’ve spoken about feeling emptiness as a teenager. Can you explain that?

When I was about 15, I started making Black friends. I saw them with their Black brothers and sisters, attending family gatherings, and not being the only Black person in the family. They could identify with their parents and were proud to show them.

I was afraid to say my parents were white because I dreaded people’s judgment. At that age, I felt empty. I wasn’t very close to my adoptive parents, and I felt lonely. I didn’t want to be different. I needed someone who understood me without judging me.

Sometimes, when I expressed how I felt, people told me I was overreacting, and that hurt deeply.

How has growing up far from Rwanda shaped your sense of identity?

Not growing up in Rwanda makes me feel distant from my roots. Not knowing my culture makes me sad. I have no points of reference. In my circle, I am the only Rwandan, and I have no one to talk to about my country.

It has made me a dreamer. I want to discover many things at once.

Do you feel a sense of belonging where you live now?

I have many friends, including African friends, but there are very few Rwandans where I live. When I attend large African gatherings without anyone from Rwanda, I feel the need to represent my country.

I know I am Black and I don’t deny it. Comments about my appearance don’t bother me anymore, but the feeling of being different is still there.

Did you experience sadness or frustration linked to your abandonment or adoption?

Yes, I was frustrated, and sometimes I felt sad. But I never felt angry at my adoptive parents or my biological parents because I don’t know what happened. I didn’t know how to face something like that.

Why is it important for you now to find your biological parents?

I promised myself that before I have children, I want to know the truth about my biological parents. I want to know my story and where I come from.

What steps have you taken so far in your search?

At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to find my parents, but I wanted to know my origins. When people asked where I was from and I said Rwanda, some would say, "No, you’re not Rwandan. You don’t look Rwandan.” That hurt me.

I decided to take a DNA test and sent a kit to the United States. The results showed that I am 50 per cent Rwandan, 25 per cent Tanzanian, and 25 per cent Kenyan.

I have also contacted two people in Rwanda to see if they could help me find my papers or any information about my life, but they were not involved in my adoption process. For now, I am taking small steps. I am afraid of being disappointed.

Do your adoptive parents support your search?

Yes. My adoptive mother asked me if I wanted to search for my biological parents, and I said yes. She supports me fully and is even willing to help financially if I need professional assistance.

If your biological parents were to read this, what would you want them to know?

I would like them to know that I am doing well and that I have built a future for myself in Switzerland. Whatever the reason for my abandonment, I don’t hold it against you. My only wish is to know what has become of you.

What emotions do you imagine you would feel if you found them?

I don’t want to create false hope. I don’t imagine them alive or dead. If I find them, I don’t know what I would feel. I might not even realize it is real.

What message would you like to send to anyone who might recognize your story or have information?

Help me. It is not easy living far from your roots and having no real history. Any information would be helpful, and I will read all messages. I have a birthmark on the left side of my lower back. It is elongated in shape.