Ever met someone and everything just fell into place? For instance, their values, beliefs, mannerisms perfectly aligned with yours, so much that you even thanked God for this breath of fresh air that seemed to be absent in the past?
But then along the way, things started crumbling. Communication dwindled, emotional and physical connection seemed non-existent. You grew distant and wondered where it all went wrong. Days without communication turned to weeks then months.
The relationship then ended without either party really committing to talking about it. How do you move on from this?
Angel Lucy, a resident of Kacyiru, says she experienced this and it was hard to move on. Having no discussion with her ex about why the relationship ended hurt her, so she started blaming herself.
She assumed that perhaps she was the cause of doom. She says it got so bad that she even stalked her ex on social media and noticed that his life had continued so normally, as though nothing had happened.
"I kept checking my phone hoping that at a certain time I would receive a message or call from him to mend things, but in vain. I became bitter and my self-esteem deteriorated. But my friends were with me every step of the way. If you don’t have anyone to cheer you up or talk to, it can get lonely and there is a possibility of getting depressed,” Lucy says.
She adds that although it’s easy to get lost in guilt, you aren’t the one that did the ghosting, so sweep the blame and self-doubt under the carpet and move on.
Daniel Ganza, a public relations expert, explains that it’s hard to move on if you keep the rage, because maturity is being kind to people even when they don’t deserve it. It also goes beyond wishing them well, do not sit back and hope that their next relationship ‘ends in tears’. "You don’t have to be friends or enemies with them,” he says.
He says to remember the good times, and lessons picked from the relationship. But most importantly, understand that there is really more to life, which is why it’s necessary to go on a holiday, or learn a new hobby to avert yourself from constantly thinking about your ex.
Ganza suggests erasing messages or getting rid of anything that may keep reminding you of your ex, if the situation worsens and you can’t move forward on your own, seek professional help.
According to Psychology Today, you can heal without closure, even though you may carry some pain as you move forward. Recognise the loss from a breakup and give yourself time to grieve. Don’t just gloss over the loss and ignore the pain by ‘celebrating’.
"Free yourself from negativity. Don’t put down your ex and ask friends and family to not make withering remarks. Talking bad about your ex keeps you in a cycle of pain. But also, hope in tomorrow without trying to erase your past. You will not always feel so bad, and you can find joy again even before the pain ends.”