We receive compliments daily; whether at or outside of the workplace. You will hear a colleague or even your boss saying "you look beautiful today”, or "you are well dressed.”
Much as such compliments might be genuine and with good intent, they can also come off as sexual harassment due to various factors that can be misapprehended.
Sentrient, an HR and compliance blog shows how the main difference between the two is motivation. When one compliments someone, their primary motivation is to make a person feel good, valued, and appreciated. Compliments are typically given when trying to establish a relationship and build trust.
Technically sexual harassment is unwelcome or unwanted conduct that is perceived by somebody to be offensive and would be perceived by a reasonable person to be offensive, according to James F. Botana, managing principal of workplace law firm Jackson Lewis’ Chicago offices.
Innocent Nsanzabera a sales manager says that a compliment is a way of expressing civility, or respect.
"In the workplace, expressions of this type are to point to someone’s skills, intelligence, work-related abilities, their character, and other professional aspects,” he says.
Nsanzabera adds that compliments are often nothing to be taken as a big deal, because they come as fast as they go, the only time they are to be questioned is when they violate a person’s boundaries.
Elina Uwera a social-technical advisor says that when a compliment is ‘fishy’ or questionable, a person will be able to tell immediately.
"Compliments at work should be respectful and professional. Your boss can’t wake up today and start calling you sexy or cute and still think it is just his way of being friendly,” she says.
Uwera argues that sexual harassment is uninvited and unwanted, which is very different from compliments.
She however says it’s always proper to analyse a compliment before dismissing it or calling out a person for harassment.
On the side of Marie Imacullee Uwamuhoza, a businesswoman, it is important to stand up for yourself because some people mask harassing comments as compliments.
"Some compliments are out of hand and some people can’t discern or choose to confuse the two to avoid what could come out of it. It is why when this happens no one should dismiss it, people need to speak up for themselves,” she says.
Examples of sexual harassment
Sentrient broke down some examples on how to distinguish sexual harassment from a genuine compliment:
Scenario 1: A female employee to another female employee, who is known to be a close work colleague and friend.
Compliment: I love your outfit, makes you look pretty, where did you get it from?
Sexual harassment: Looking irresistible today honey, you must have some important meetings with the boss hey?
Scenario 2: A female manager to a new male employee about an upcoming performance appraisal.
Compliment: You’ve done really well this past few months, there has been a great improvement since you joined. I’m looking forward to discussing this with you in our upcoming performance appraisal next week.
Sexual Harassment: How about we go for a drink after work at the bar down the road to discuss your performance over the past couple of months. You’ve done well and I think we should celebrate if you know what I mean?
The don’ts of avoiding sexual harassment
Don’t hide. Hiding will not make it go away, and it normally only makes matters worse. While you can’t predict where the investigation will lead, you need to face it.
Don’t wait for a "formal” complaint.
"The employee said she doesn’t want to file a formal complaint”
"The employee doesn’t want to get his co-worker in trouble”
None of these are excuses to ignore inappropriate behaviour in the workplace once you’re aware or should be aware of it.
Don’t make assumptions.
"She’s mad because she had a bad performance review”
”I’ve known him for years, he would never do that”
You can’t justify failing to address a complaint of sexual harassment.